Reclaiming our sexual power is often the start of transformation, but it is only the start! As Osho put it, “Sex is only the beginning, but if you miss the beginning, you also miss the ending.” I visited the Osho Ashram, AKA the Osho Resort, on my trip to India in December and while it is very beautiful and extraordinarily clean, especially for India, it seems to have lost its transformational edge.

 

An AIDS test is required for admission to the resort, but according to the few old time Sanyassins still hanging around, there is much less sexual activity going on than in the old days.

 Some of you may be familiar with the work of Dr. Wilheim Reich, a brilliant protégé of Sigmund Freud and major architect of the Sexual Revolution, whose work is the basis for Jack Painter’s Pelvic Heart Integration work, as well as most of mind/body therapies in use today. Most people have forgotten that Reich’s theories and practices for enhancing orgasmic potency and sexual freedom were PART of a larger vision for returning humankind to a more natural state. Like Osho, he believed that if the energies wasted in repressing sexual desire were freed up and if we could unravel the twists in personality and society whose purpose is to repress sexuality, then our inherent creativity and resources could be directed toward designing a better world. While Reich’s theories have not yet been the subject of scientific research, (and it occurs to me that maybe Reich was just plain wrong since despite the increases in sexual freedom in the last fifty years, Utopia has not arrived and greed and violence continue unabated) if Reich is correct, those of you who’ve been working on your own sexual liberation for years now, should be prime candidates for leading the next wave of change. And that wave of change bears little ressemblance to what I see going on in the sex positive world. If this is a conversation that interests you, please join me in continuing it here! It is the subject of one of the books I’m eager to write.

Much Love and Aloha,
Deborah Taj Anapol

 

 

My journey back from India took two and a half days for my body, and about another week for my mind. In a way it seems my spirit remains at Arunachala where I instantly felt I’d come home. The Hindu scriptures tell us that the “hill” in southern India called Arunachala is the earthly manifestation of Shiva, the original Shivalinga and site of an ancient – and still active - Shiva temple. Legend says that anyone living within 30 miles of Arunachala is certain to attain Union with the Divine. The scientists say it’s some of the oldest land on the planet. Ganesha, the nephew of Sri Ramana Maharshi, who spent most of his life at Arunachala, says simply that “the top of Arunachala is not of this world.” My own experience is that Arunachala acts like a giant magnetic that can align human energies and literally pulls one into the core. I could indeed sense its field from a distance of many miles.

This temple town attracts tens of thousands of Hindu pilgrims and orange robed Shaivite sadhus along with Ramana Maharshi devotees from all over the world, many of whom are teachers and satsang leaders in their own right, creating a richly diverse spiritual tapestry, which peaks at the December Full Moon festival called Deepam. I’m so grateful to have taken part in this festival and also to have visited many other sacred sites throughout India. Apart from Arunachala, my favorite place was the Tantric temples of Khajuraho, which are awesome works of art and still hold a powerful energy although they are no longer in use. If some or all of what I’m talking about is strange to you, no worries. Feel free to ask, or simply read on for some less esoteric material. I hope to offer some groups in India in 2010, so if you too would like to experience a culture in which spirituality still comes before materialism, let me know of your interest.

More immediately, I plan to be in Hawaii until May 23 – 30 when I return to Tulum, Mexico, another spiritually powerful place, long sacred to the Mayans, for our Tenth Anniversary Retreat. I know some of you are wanting to come but finding it hard to commit in this uncertain economy. Several people I know have lost their life savings in recent months, and many others are fearful about their futures. It appears to me that we will simply have to start finding our security somewhere other than Wall Street!

If spending money on this retreat means that you won’t be able to pay your rent or your mortgage, or other essentials, please don’t come. But if you want to participate with kindred spirits in this Seven Chakra Gathering whose purpose is to initiate a new way of being which has the potential to inspire creative, joyful, and practical solutions to the challenges we are facing on Planet Earth these days, please do respond to this invitation! You can register online now at www.sevenlawsoflove.com. For me, I feel called both to complete the work I’ve been doing for many years in sexual healing and conscious relating, and to begin a new and truly wholistic manifestation which incorporates everything I’ve done so far, and takes it to the next level.

Honestly, I’m increasingly troubled by much of what I see going on in both the sacred sexuality and polyamory communities these days. While it’s heartening on the one hand to see how these movements have grown in the last decade, and while there are many skilled and talented individuals making important contributions, there’s an unfortunate tendency to lose sight of the larger picture of integrating sexuality into life as a whole and to take actions which tend to polarize people into opposing camps.

For example, a man who’s admired as a leader in both these communities is about to release a documentary film about his work. Many people, particularly those working as sexual healers, are concerned that his inclusion of material concerning a client’s perception that she was raped and the portrayal of blurred boundaries between his professional and personal relationships, will create an unnecessarily controversial image of sexual healing. While it’s certainly very courageous of him to reveal so much of who he is, I doubt that bringing rape and dating clients into a public conversation on sexual healing will serve him, or his community.

The reality is that for the general public, which is the intended audience for this film as I understand it, the most conservative possible presentation of hands on sexual healing is a powerful button pusher. And when people’s buttons are pushed they do not process information very well. Only a few years back I was fielding questions on radio talk shows from listeners who couldn’t distinguish between polyamory and prostitution. In their minds both meant slut, sluts were bad and wrong, and nothing more need be said. It’s useless to talk to such people about the concept of an “ethical slut,” they simply aren’t open to hearing it. Likewise, when sexual healing, rape, and morphing clients and lovers are mixed together, people are very likely to come away with the conviction that sexual healing is dangerous, immoral, and should certainly be illegal.

If harsh actions against sexual healers are what is needed to improve the quality and safety of care being offered, then I surrender to that. But I would much rather see this initiative come from within the community. As I’ve said before in a different context, it’s always better to volunteer.

Already, I see far too many unconscious abuses of power and lapses of integrity in many well meaning but inadequately educated practitioners to feel comfortable being associated with a movement that I helped to create. We all make mistakes, and I’ve certainly made more than my share. That’s how I’ve learned much what I know. But when we don’t recognize our mistakes, they are unlikely to teach us anything. While I am a long time advocate of hands-on, body centered healing, I find myself wondering whether there is more harm than good being done in the name of sexual healing. Sometimes it seems that polyamory has become an excuse for doing whatever you want, whenever you want, regardless of the impact on others, or worse yet another tool for manipulation. And sexual healing has become a way to justify sex which falls outside of whatever belief system you hold about restricting sexual expression. I know there are many heartful, compassionate, and committed explorers out here on the frontiers of love, sex, and intimacy, but I feel we need to be more aware of the potential for harm when we venture beyond consensus reality without the wise counsel of mentors and elders.

What do you think??? Please share your thoughts and help co-create some dialogue on these important matter!

On a deeper level, I find myself wondering how it is that so many people have forgotten, or perhaps never knew in the first place, that the Sexual Revolution of the 60’s and 70’s held an intention for Liberation – not just sexual freedom as an end in itself, but as a means to spiritual liberation. It’s always tricky to speak of Spiritual Liberation, because of the tendency our minds have to hijack these lofty words and make them into another bogus mental concept or another commodity to be sold to the highest bidder. Perhaps it’s better to say that the slogan, “Make Love, Not War,” has yet to be realized. It seems the “making love” part has been much more successful than the “not war” part. Or maybe the majority of people are still “having sex” instead of “making love.” But even love, and especially “free love” have been radically misunderstood by many. Please join me in holding space for deep transformation and world peace instead of more of the same old, same old in the ways we live and love and heal together!

I’m hopeful that we’re on the cusp of yet another wave of development in human life. If enough of us recognize that now is the time to come home to who we really are, just maybe the overall consciousness of humanity could evolve in amazing ways. And That is what the world needs now! I totally support everyone’s efforts to love and heal themselves, and by extension to love and heal others, and I know that this happens most naturally and effectively when we humbly surround ourselves with others who are willing and able to point out our blind spots while loving us unconditionally.

Aloha ia o'koa pa'ulo. When we meet in love, we shall be whole!

Much love to you all,
Deborah Taj Anapol

One of my year end rituals is to review each month of the past year - often using my calendar, appointment book, and/or journal to jog my memory if I draw a blank - bringing to consciousness the most significant events that shaped my life or touched my soul. For me, 2008 was a year of healing my broken leg, partly through travel to exotic places. And of all the places I visited, what touched me most deeply was kneeling at the tomb of Hazrat Inayat Khan (founder of the Sufi Order of the West) in Delhi.  I was overwhelmed by a flood of tears, an opening, cleansing, letting go.

What was the deepest moment for you in 2008?

Namaste,
Deborah Taj Anapol

I’m grateful to have had the opportunity to do so much traveling this year, in part because it’s made me more aware of how personal stuff and cultural conditioning often intermingle. On some level they are the same but because the cultural stuff is shared with so many others, we consider it normal, ie the norm. The good news is that when you are in another country, you are often cut some slack simply because you are a foreigner. Depending upon how xenophobic a person, or a society is, you’re likely to be viewed as an ignorant barbaric foreigner, or as an amusingly foolish innocent. Either way, there’s a good chance people will realize you’re not being deliberately rude when you’ve just done something totally unacceptable.

 The thing that most confuses people about relationships is that when something doesn’t feel good, when you are hurting, it’s hard to know whether a “legitimate” boundary has been crossed or whether a pet neurosis is being challenged. I put “legitimate” in quotes to suggest that while we generally think that if we’re triggered it’s because someone has violated us in some way, most often we’re triggered because we have misinterpreted or misunderstood another’s behavior. Very often the other person has innocently, out of ignorance, not disrespect, failed to comply with our expectations. We all know these kinds of misunderstandings are very common between people from different cultures. When you’re in another country, it’s quite obvious, but the USA is a melting pot where most of us are of mixed ancestry, and/or living somewhere and among people – sometimes even within our own families – who do not share our culture but we persist in thinking that they should. And because we live in the 21^st Century with so many constructed identities and subcultures, there are even more opportunities for confusion. Our beloveds, our friends, our family members may not share our cultural programming and yet we assume that they do.

 For example, when I was in Japan my American friend was telling me about the challenges she was experiencing with her Japanese mother-in-law. One incident had to do with the mother-in-law getting angry because my friend had not placed her shoes in the right direction outside the entry to her house. Now even foreigners who know nothing about Japanese ways quickly learn that shoes are left at the door. To wear shoes into someone’s home would be just as offensive as entering a temple without removing your shoes, or covering your head, or your bare arms and legs, or whatever the local custom. My friend knew a great deal about Japanese customs, but had no clue that there were proper and improper ways to place your shoes. Apparently, this fine point was not a big enough deal to anyone else for them to have corrected her. Most likely, for the mother-in-law this minor transgression became justification for her unhappiness about the perceived misfortune of having a non-Japanese daughter-in-law. From my friend’s perspective, it was very helpful for her to learn that it’s traditional for the Japanese mother-in-law to treat the daughter-in-law very harshly. This helped her not to take it so personally, and yet, she still felt hurt by the mother-in-law’s frequent attacks. What to do?

 When you’re not sure whether you’re dealing with a natural, healthy response or a neurotic reaction in yourself or another, it’s a good time to get an outside opinion – hopefully an enlightened, or at least objective, opinion. It does no good at all to share your dilemma with someone who has the same problematic conditioning and so mistakes your warped point of view for reality. But someone who is relatively free of cultural blinders can help clarify whether it would be best to yield as gracefully as possible or to say “no” to the other’s attempt to pass their issues off as your problem. Of course, yielding in the face of an insurmountable obstacle is usually the wisest course (and those of you who know me, know that this has been a hard lesson for me to learn), but there is no need to search your soul for the source of the conflict, or worse yet, blame yourself, when it has nothing to do with you.

Now tell the truth - does this post push your buttons?

Namaste,
Deborah Taj Anapol

 

 

It’s a glorious morning here overlooking the San Francisco Bay as I sip my Kona coffee and enjoy the warm sun on my back. Sea gulls and migrating geese fly overhead and a seal swims near the shore. Jasmine scents the air and gentle waves lap the shore below. I am so grateful to access all this peace and beauty in the midst of the political and financial turmoil which is rocking the US and the world. I’m sure none of you need me to tell you that we’re living in amazing times! Just about a year ago I suggested that we might be witnessing the end of an era, and by now it must be obvious to everyone. As I feel the shock waves radiating out around me, I’m reminded that cultivating appreciation, especially for the love and caring we share with friends, lovers, coworkers, and neighbors is one of the most powerful actions we can take. Why? Because if we manage to navigate our way through this crisis to the peaceful and harmonious life we all want in our heart of hearts, it will based on a shift from the current pervasive state of fear, anxiety, and competition to a newfound awareness of love, communion and Oneness. These words have been tossed around so often, sometimes in the absence of congruent actions, some have tuned them out. Don’t allow cynicism to disempower you! There is still much healing needed on both personal and collective levels, and learning to access the support available, internally and externally, to free ourselves from the weight of the past, will serve us all well.

 

Speaking of support, just one short week ago I was enjoying a wonderful visit to Yamagata in rural northeastern Japan. The hospitality of my old friend Maiyim and her husband Teru, combined with the grandeur of this exquisite countryside, and the beauty of a largely intact society and culture which has given us Zen, the art of bathing, a unique aesthetic of simplicity and appreciation for nature, healthy food, respect, honoring, and loyalty as virtues, as well as technological wonders, was absolutely awesome. Teru grew up in this idyllic, fertile area with family roots going back many generations and his generous and insightful sharing about local traditions, history, and sacred places was an incredible gift. And one I hope to share with some of you in the future!

 

There is so much I admire in Japanese culture, some of it familiar from my time in Hawaii where the Japanese influence is strong. For example, nearly everyone bows to each other at the conclusion of any social interaction. This is not an act for tourists, or a dying custom as it seems to be in some countries. This is what I viewed from the back seat as gas tank of the car was filled, at the local market, at soba houses, at the many onsen or natural hot springs I visited, and of course at the Shinto/Buddhist shrines. But according to everyone I talked with, there is this one little glitch, and that has to do with the intimacy – or lack thereof – between men and women. The Japanese seem more evolved than Americans in many ways, but they are struggling with a legacy of rigid gender and family roles along with strong conditioning against expressing emotions and sexual desires. In fact, in the course of teaching a little introduction to chakras, I learned that there is no word in the Japanese language for “clitoris”! I also learned that one of the sacred places Maiyim and Teru had taken me to, a mountain with a huge reddish rock with hot water cascading over it, had been forbidden for women to visit within living memory. Now if ever there was a sign of the Goddess on Earth, this was it! No coincidence that it was the very place women had not been allowed to worship!

 

Unlike many countries I visited this year, Japan is totally ripe for a rapid sexual evolution! The people are educated, sophisticated, and prosperous. They are not struggling with survival issues, have leisure time to ponder life’s big questions, and want more fulfilling sexualoving relationships. The seed of an inspiration to produce a Goddess Festival in Yamagata was born! I can remember attending one such event in the San Francisco Bay Area maybe twenty years ago when my youngest daughter was a baby. This gathering still stands out in my memory as a space which was inviting, inspirational, and comfortable for men, women, and children alike. In a quiet and gentle way, it changed me forever.

 

One lovely afternoon we found ourselves eating lunch at a picturesque traditional Inn overlooking a River. I asked the owner (with the help of my bilingual friends), a friendly man in his late sixties who runs in the Honolulu marathon about the possibility of hosting a small workshop or house concert in his dining room and got a short tour of the rooms and the onsen (hot springs) area and surrounding walnut orchards. He directed us to a nearby newly constructed modern auditorium, with several restaurants attached, and I knew this was the site for the event I envisioned! This is a big vision, and will not happen overnight, but I figure the first step will be returning to Yamagata with a small group of fellow travelers, perhaps in 2009. If this sounds appealing to you, let me know, so you can be included in the planning!

Much love and aloha,

Deborah Taj Anapol

 

As my time in Beijing runs out, I find it easier to appreciate this multi-faceted city. There is still much to explore which is wonderful since I will very likely be coming back. As I write these words, I’m reminded of how relating with places is similar to relating with people. So often we appreciate each other fully only when faced with the loss of someone dear to us, whether through death, geographic separation, or a breakdown in our connection. Instead of going for it in each moment, we tell ourselves that we can always go deeper, say what we really feel, admit we’ve made a mistake, or whatever, in the future. But like Beijing, our loved ones may be changing and shifting very rapidly. By the time we get around to showing up more fully, entire neighborhoods may have disappeared and been replaced by new development, making it impossible to experience certain unique moments which are gone forever. At the same time, new developments may make some people and places more accessible or more available. We have no way of knowing what the future will bring, but whether or not we consider progress desirable, we can’t turn the clock back.

In Beijing, precious little of the past remains. Except for a few icons such as Forbidden City, Summer Palace, and a handful of Buddhist and Taoist Temples, the city is blanketed in modern skyscrapers and shopping malls. Much of what the Western and Japanese invaders left unmolested was destroyed by the Chinese themselves during the Cultural Revolution, or afterwards in the race to modernize. Entire villages have been relocated to make way for Olympic venues or new construction. Like a couple who decides to forgive and forget, China is open to the unknown in a way that many Western countries are not.

And yet certain traits and habits persist, as they do in families around the globe. I’ve had the bittersweet opportunity to observe both admirable and dysfunctional family patterns showing up in my grand daughter who is now age five. It’s particularly challenging to see stuff that I have long since transcended, or at least like to think I’ve grown beyond, such as a tendency to control, and a tenacity that can easily go over the line to stubbornness, reincarnating in the third generation. A bossy and spiteful five year old is not a pretty site in any circumstances. And when the five year old becomes jealous of her younger sister who retains the sweetness and innocence that invites and welcomes loving attention, it’s a real challenge to stay open and free of judgment while not caving in to her demands in order to avoid a tantrum.

One day I went for a walk alone in the neighborhood and came across a small shop with a sign in English which read “Love Shop.” Probably a sex store I thought to myself and I decided to cross the street and check it out. Sure enough, the shop was filled with a vast selection of mostly poor quality vibrators and dildos of every description and a few leather goods and lingerie. The proprietor greeted me in English but didn’t seem to understand my questions about whether she’d heard of the “crystal wand” – a non-electronic, ergonomically designed sacred spot massage tool created by Cynthia Lamborne (www.lovenectar.com). Later that evening, going to dinner with family and friends at Beijing’s new (and first) Ethiopian restaurant, I saw another sex shop in a different neighborhood, and began to wonder how many of these stores there are in Beijing. Perhaps it was a coincidence that I came across two in the same day!

In any case I was more intrigued by the restaurant’s display on Ethiopian coffee than the sex toys. The menu stated that in deference to the sacredness of coffee in Ethiopian culture, coffee was only served as part of the traditional coffee ritual, which did not take place during my visit. However, a table was set with the ceremonial pot, cups, and incense which greatly intrigued the children as they were colorful and miniature, somewhat like the implements for an Asian tea ceremony.

I already knew a little about the coffee tradition in Ethiopia thanks to an Ethiopian American client of mine. As the part owner of an organic Kona coffee farm in Hawaii who is skeptical about a society that runs on caffeine, I loved the idea of considering coffee a sacred sacrament! How would it transform our relationships, and our work lives, if we made sharing coffee an occasion to acknowledge the Divine?

Which brings me to my next journey. India has been calling me for many years and I am finally going in November. Not only that, a series of chance encounters appears to have created the opportunity for me to teach in Pune December 12-14. For more info on my workshop, or if you’d like to join a tour with Laurie Handler of Butterfly Tantra, email me now!

Much love and aloha,
Deborah Taj Anapol

I’ve been in Beijing for two weeks now, but besides not understanding the language, today was the first day that was any different from a day in a big city anywhere. Apart from nearly two weeks of grey skies that is. I’ve seen grey skies in Seattle that went on for weeks, but not in July, and not with air so bad that mothers monitor the pollution index and frequently keep their children indoors.  I have been so grateful the last two days to see blue sky and sun again with just a familiar smoggy haze on the horizon.  I am blessed to have a Bikram Yoga Studio in the basement of the expat apartment complex where I am living!  I was able to resume classes last week for the first time since I broke my leg just about a year ago – salvation both for my leg and my lungs!  

 In my corner(s) of the universe 2008 has seen VOG in Hawaii, wildfire smoke in Northern California, and the Beijing air quality issue made famous by the Olympics, but reported to me as daunting by a friend who traveled here in 1978. I can easily imagine that in the future, many people will remember 2008 as “the year the air became unbreathable.”  

 Most relationship issues appear insignificant when compared with the possibility of not being able to breathe without filtering the air. Who cares whether your beloved did or said something inconsiderate, or your partner lied to you, when simply breathing the air is damaging your lungs? We’ve come to assume that untreated water is too polluted to drink safely, and many people filter their water to remove toxic chemicals and heavy metals.  Most of us still expect to find an unlimited supply of clean, or clean enough, air where ever we go; but this may not continue.

 Not surprisingly, the illusion of separation is the root cause of both interpersonal and environmental problems. We imagine that we have an existence separate from the air and the water which sustain all life, we imagine that actions which degrade the natural world in one part of the planet will not impact systems worldwide, and we imagine that what we do to another will not return to us threefold.

 These are momentous times here in China, and all over the globe!  Humanity is experiencing an accelerated learning curve, and the rate of change in China may be the fastest in the world. I watched the total solar eclipse on the internet through a telescope in Western China as people gather in Beijing for the start of the Olympics this week. My daughter took me to an upscale spa where we had “Chinese Massage” and I distinctly felt a sensation of being reborn into a new life.  Today we visited a park where I didn’t see any other Western people and then went to a children’s birthday party at the local MacDonalds. The birthday girl had just arrived in Beijing from the Bay Area, where she was born, but her parents hail from Singapore so are fluent in Chinese.  I wish I was! The people here feel very friendly, open, and curious and I’m sad that I am unable to talk with them. Relative to most places I’ve traveled very few people speak English. My five year old granddaughter chats away with her Ayi (nanny) and even the two year old knows more Chinese than I do, so it’s a very humbling experience.

 Under these conditions, my ability to read energy and thoughts is heightened, and I find it fascinating just to observe. One thing I’ve noticed is that although Beijing is a big, modern city with skyscrapers, shopping malls, smooth highways filled with big new cars, and lots of taxis, people (except for the taxi drivers) move very slowly. No one seems to be in a rush. It can take ten minutes for a shot of fresh wheat grass to be juiced or a week to get a gym pass processed.

 Another thing is that people are much more relaxed about bodies and bodily functions. Babies wear split leg pants which are open at the crotch with nothing underneath.  My daughter explains it’s a different approach to potty training. Awareness rather than control is emphasized. Seems like a good idea to me and no expensive disposable diapers piling up in landfills (except for those worn by expat babies, and most likely upper class locals.) 

Much love and aloha,

Deborah Taj Anapol

When I first came to California in my teens I was awestruck by the clear blue sky. The blazing intensity of a sun unimpeded by clouds or haze was a delightful new experience.  The recent epidemic of forest fires burning out of control all across the state and filling the air hundreds of miles away with smoke thick enough to irritate the eyes and lungs of millions of people, not to mention transmuting the light of the sun into a dull orange glow was also a new experience. Living in the shadow of smokey skies for a seemingly endless week felt more ominous than delightful. Particularly since it was a week I spent organizing, sorting, and packing, under a deadline, as I struggled to somehow intuit, guess, remember, or imagine what I would need for at least six months in unknown territory. In the past, this would have been a perfect set up for me to lose my center. I am so grateful for the gift of sailing through this experience with nothing more troubling than an aching body. And even that has been an opening to receive as I’ve been gifted with four wonderful and different bodywork sessions in the days that followed.

 Now that I’ve hit the road, or more accurately the skies, I have a wonderful sense of freedom. The last time I really did not know where I would be going and what I would be doing far into the future was when I was seventeen years old and had just graduated from high school. I knew I had a college dorm room in the heart of New York City waiting for me in the Fall, but I didn’t know if I wanted to go there. I knew I could always land at my parents’ home, and I did know I didn’t want to go there. With the whole summer, and in fact my whole life, stretching out ahead of me I felt the excitement of unimagined adventures. I set out with my army surplus back pack and sleeping bag and $50 stashed in a pocket in case of emergency. I intended to live by my wits and allow myself to be guided toward the greatest opportunities for self awareness. Life was much simpler in those days. No home computers, no internet, no cell phones, no credit cards, no responsibilities.

 It was the summer of 1969, and I took full advantage of the chance to explore psychedelics, sex, synchronicity, and rock and roll. A lover gave me a copy of Pilgrim’s Progress. I witnessed (on someone else’s TV) a man walking on the moon. I discovered chakras, opened my heart for the first time, became a seasoned hitch hiker and found myself in the midst of what would soon become the world famous Woodstock Music Festival. Everything I needed was provided and even potential dangers were transformed into empowering initiations.

 Now, with a large chunk of my life stretching out behind me, I’m beginning a new cycle with no clue where it will lead. All of my efforts to create or maintain some sense of control or security about the future have been reduced to knowing that the only real protection is in following my inner voice and surrendering the deep rooted desire to know how it will unfold. In other words, Existence is demanding that I volunteer to trust in Life.

 I’m being encouraged in small ways. For example, I realized as I was boarding the plane for Denver last week that I’d lost a credit card somewhere in the airport. By the time my plane landed two hours later there was a message from my credit card company that a “Good Samaritan” had found my card. I called the number the Visa rep gave me and left a message thanking him and asking him to mail me my card. When the Good Samaritan called back he got my voicemail with a message pointing people to my website, and was very intrigued. I don’t know where this story will end, but at minimum it’s a clear demonstration that the universe is a friendly place which supports me even when my vigilance fails. Maybe even especially when my vigilance fails.

 I feel very blessed to have had so many opportunities lately to know that support is always present and available even when it appears I have made a mistake. I’m also excited by the way my work with people is evolving and hope many of you will accept my invitation to join me at an upcoming event.

  For phone coaching sessions, I am available by phone at 415.507.1739 until July 19 and then by Skype ONLY in Asia until late September so if you’d like to take a leap into greater integration for yourself or your relationships, email me at taj@lovewithoutlimits.com or phone my Skype number at 415.578.3373 or better yet download Skype yourself and Skype me at Deborah.anapol.

 Aloha ia o'koa pa'ulo. When we meet in love, we shall be whole!

 Much love to you all,

Deborah Taj Anapol

The winds of change are gale force these days in my little microcosm of The Universe, how about yours? Huge and unexpected shifts are happening in every imaginable arena for me – new people, places, ideas, connections, and potential projects are multiplying by the minute while what little certainty there was disappears. The good news is that the way things are moving the decisions are being made for me, and as long as I don’t resist these sudden changes its fun and exciting to surrender to the flow.

            To give you just one example of what I’m talking about, I found out a few days ago that I have to move out of the place I’ve been living in – in less than a month! The owners of the house suddenly decided to sell their other house and move back in ahead of schedule. My first thought was to look for a new home, but since I’m leaving for China after a little trip to Colorado in July, I don’t really have time to set settled even if I had a place to move to. Since I don’t know whether or not I’ll be returning to Hawaii in January, it seems obvious that I need to put my few remaining things in storage and become a total gypsy for now. I have invitations to visit people all over the country, in fact, all over the world, so clearly that’s what I need to do. 

Yesterday I got a call from a reporter for an East Coast newspaper who wanted to interview me about Polyamory. She was very cute -- unlike the typical feature writer who knows at least a little about Polyamory, she was a straight news reporter who wasn’t quite sure how to pronounce this strange word. Interview requests from reporters are not so unusual in my world, but when she said, “I guess you know why I’m calling you now,” I had to admit that I had no clue. My first thought was to wonder which current presidential candidate had been caught in bed with someone other than his or her spouse. It turned out she wanted to talk about a new CBS series on Open Marriage that premieres this Thursday! The show is called Swingtown. It’s a 70’s period piece and in the 70’s what most people now call Polyamory was called Swinging. We’re talking a major network folks and we’re talking 70’s revival! If you’re too young to remember, keep in mind that what most people think of as the 60’s started in the late 60’s and didn’t really catch on until the 70’s.

I have lots to say about Polyamory vs Swinging, which is, of course, one of the things this reporter wanted to ask me about. I quoted my own book saying that in theory, swingers are emotionally monogamous and therefore not truly polyamorous, since polyamory means many loves. In reality, many people who call themselves polyamorous would more accurately be called polysexual, and many people who call themselves swingers fall in love with people other than their mates and find themselves negotiating the challenges of multipartner relationships. I explained to the reporter, “Maybe you’ve met Lesbians who have male lovers. Or vegetarians who eat fish and chicken. Labels and identities can be misleading.”  

The thing is, back in the 70’s, many of the people who pioneered swinging were formerly idealistic hippie types who were trying to take “free love” mainstream. Nina and George O’Neil’s book Open Marriage, which introduced that term only has one chapter on non-monogamy. The rest of the book is about how to be an individual within the context of marriage. Swingtown hasn’t aired yet, but from the trailer it’s obvious that drugs and partying are part of the picture. How different is that from what most people now consider to be Polyamory? Or Tantra for that matter?

My own Polyamory: The New Love Without Limits has more than one chapter on multipartner relationships, but the rest of the book addresses the evolutionary potential of Polyamory – which I define as letting love flow – another frequently overlooked little detail. So wouldn’t you know, these winds of change have me considering writing an update and sequel to bring forward my view on why each wave of the Sexual Revolution – free love, feminism, swinging, polyamory, sacred sexuality – has failed in significant ways and what we can do now to truly liberate the evolutionary purpose of sex. These scenes have all been fun and life affirming in their own ways. They haven’t taken us any place worthwhile as a society because the evolutionary purpose of sexualove is still blocked both by lingering monogamous conditioning, and the associated sexual guilt and shame and repression on the one hand; and the lustful, unintegrated fucking and sexual wounding and abuse which follow. I have much more to say on this subject, so maybe I will write that book! If anyone reading this happens to be literary agent, or can offer a place for a writing retreat (next Fall would be perfect) please get in touch!

More immediately, I’ll be speaking into the Inner Marriage Dialogues. Join me, Becca Tzigany, & Peter Thomas on Thursday, June 12 at 6 PM PDT for a new teleseminar. There is no charge but you must pre-register by emailing me at taj@lovewithoutlimits.com to request the call in number and access code.

I’m also delighted to announce I’ve rescheduled the Love Without Limits ReUnion Retreat Week I was planning before I broke my leg last summer. Armand and Angelina have agreed to join me at our best ever location, on the beach, in Tulum, Mexico (about an hour south of Cancun) May 23-30, 2009. Register online NOW at http://www.sevenlawsoflove.com/store/shopdisplayproducts.asp?id=22&cat=Workshops  and get a Super Deluxe beach front upgrade with private bath at no extra charge! Armand (www.armandandangelina.com)  will tell you it was the best week of his life, and so will almost everyone else who attended one of our many Tulum retreats.

 

Aloha ia o'koa pa'ulo. When we meet in love, we shall be whole!

Much love to you all,

Deborah Taj Anapol

We have arrived at the mid-point between the Spring Equinox and Summer Solstice, a day that has long been considered as a very sacred time. Legends tell us it’s a time when the veil between the worlds is thin and a time when riuals to ensure an abundant harvest are celebrated. Has the time leading up to this day, known as Beltane in old Europe, been a wild ride for you too? Have seeds planted long ago begun to sprout or regenerate in the past week? Some say the journey is more significant than the destination. Nevertheless I am so grateful to have returned to Center, the route hardly seems to matter.

 Still, I’d like to share a little about this journey, and place a few markers on this new trail I’m taking, so that I can find it again and perhaps you can too! If you’ve been reading these letters for a long, long time, you may remember that some time ago, after several years of working intensively with Jack Painter and his Pelvic Heart Integration trainings, I began writing a book about harmonizing masculine and feminine energies. Eventually, I started to call this book Inner Marriage or Sacred Marriage. I got about halfway into it, then got sidetracked writing a proposal and looking (unsuccessfully) for a publisher, and then put it aside because I sensed I needed to take my understanding to another level before I could finish writing this book.

 Recently, that level has begun opening up for me. Synchronistically, an old friend and former lover called to talk about a different, but closely related book idea he is working on days after I began writing again! Also in this time frame, I received email from at least a dozen people with a link to a short talk by Harvard brain scientist Jill Taylor discussing what she learned about the right and left brain hemispheres when she experienced a stroke. If you’d like to hear her incredible story, click this link: http://www.ted.com/speakers/view/id/203.

 Oh, and while you’re cruising the web, if you click on the following link you can hear Chip August’s podcast interview recorded in February. Honestly, if you only have time for one, choose Jill Taylor. But if you’ve manifested a both/and world, choose both! To hear more about my last book, check out

http://personallifemedia.com/podcasts/222-sex-love-and-intimacy/episodes/3547-dr-deborah-anapol-natural-laws

 If I were to put the shift I made into one sentence, it would be this. Inner Marriage is less about the union of what we imagine to be male and female within and more about the union of Ego or Rational Mind with Spirit. In relation to the Divine we are all female, whatever our gender. Said another way, the deeper meaning of Sacred Marriage, or Hieros Gamos, is the marriage of the personality with the soul. When this marriage is consummated, the third brain (usually called the Solar Plexus) spontaneously opens. This triadic linkage has too many implications to elaborate on here.

 What does this have to do with Beltane? In ancient times the Hieros Gamos ritual was celebrated on this day. It involved the King mating with a priestess who represented The Goddess. Not only did this ritual ensure the fertility of the land, but it was necessary for the empowerment of the King. Somewhat later, and indeed well into patriarchal times, the royal line in many places continued to be matrilineal. The Queen’s husband became King, and was often the official ruler, but his power derived from his marriage to the Queen and she groomed their son, the future King. Metaphorically, this translates into the right relationship between the human and the Divine being one in which the human (whether in a male or female body) is in partnership with the Divine to create a “new being” who fully integrates Divine Will with a human body/mind.