Winds of Change

The winds of change are gale force these days in my little microcosm of The Universe, how about yours? Huge and unexpected shifts are happening in every imaginable arena for me – new people, places, ideas, connections, and potential projects are multiplying by the minute while what little certainty there was disappears. The good news is that the way things are moving the decisions are being made for me, and as long as I don’t resist these sudden changes its fun and exciting to surrender to the flow.

            To give you just one example of what I’m talking about, I found out a few days ago that I have to move out of the place I’ve been living in – in less than a month! The owners of the house suddenly decided to sell their other house and move back in ahead of schedule. My first thought was to look for a new home, but since I’m leaving for China after a little trip to Colorado in July, I don’t really have time to set settled even if I had a place to move to. Since I don’t know whether or not I’ll be returning to Hawaii in January, it seems obvious that I need to put my few remaining things in storage and become a total gypsy for now. I have invitations to visit people all over the country, in fact, all over the world, so clearly that’s what I need to do. 

Yesterday I got a call from a reporter for an East Coast newspaper who wanted to interview me about Polyamory. She was very cute -- unlike the typical feature writer who knows at least a little about Polyamory, she was a straight news reporter who wasn’t quite sure how to pronounce this strange word. Interview requests from reporters are not so unusual in my world, but when she said, “I guess you know why I’m calling you now,” I had to admit that I had no clue. My first thought was to wonder which current presidential candidate had been caught in bed with someone other than his or her spouse. It turned out she wanted to talk about a new CBS series on Open Marriage that premieres this Thursday! The show is called Swingtown. It’s a 70’s period piece and in the 70’s what most people now call Polyamory was called Swinging. We’re talking a major network folks and we’re talking 70’s revival! If you’re too young to remember, keep in mind that what most people think of as the 60’s started in the late 60’s and didn’t really catch on until the 70’s.

I have lots to say about Polyamory vs Swinging, which is, of course, one of the things this reporter wanted to ask me about. I quoted my own book saying that in theory, swingers are emotionally monogamous and therefore not truly polyamorous, since polyamory means many loves. In reality, many people who call themselves polyamorous would more accurately be called polysexual, and many people who call themselves swingers fall in love with people other than their mates and find themselves negotiating the challenges of multipartner relationships. I explained to the reporter, “Maybe you’ve met Lesbians who have male lovers. Or vegetarians who eat fish and chicken. Labels and identities can be misleading.”  

The thing is, back in the 70’s, many of the people who pioneered swinging were formerly idealistic hippie types who were trying to take “free love” mainstream. Nina and George O’Neil’s book Open Marriage, which introduced that term only has one chapter on non-monogamy. The rest of the book is about how to be an individual within the context of marriage. Swingtown hasn’t aired yet, but from the trailer it’s obvious that drugs and partying are part of the picture. How different is that from what most people now consider to be Polyamory? Or Tantra for that matter?

My own Polyamory: The New Love Without Limits has more than one chapter on multipartner relationships, but the rest of the book addresses the evolutionary potential of Polyamory – which I define as letting love flow – another frequently overlooked little detail. So wouldn’t you know, these winds of change have me considering writing an update and sequel to bring forward my view on why each wave of the Sexual Revolution – free love, feminism, swinging, polyamory, sacred sexuality – has failed in significant ways and what we can do now to truly liberate the evolutionary purpose of sex. These scenes have all been fun and life affirming in their own ways. They haven’t taken us any place worthwhile as a society because the evolutionary purpose of sexualove is still blocked both by lingering monogamous conditioning, and the associated sexual guilt and shame and repression on the one hand; and the lustful, unintegrated fucking and sexual wounding and abuse which follow. I have much more to say on this subject, so maybe I will write that book! If anyone reading this happens to be literary agent, or can offer a place for a writing retreat (next Fall would be perfect) please get in touch!

More immediately, I’ll be speaking into the Inner Marriage Dialogues. Join me, Becca Tzigany, & Peter Thomas on Thursday, June 12 at 6 PM PDT for a new teleseminar. There is no charge but you must pre-register by emailing me at taj@lovewithoutlimits.com to request the call in number and access code.

I’m also delighted to announce I’ve rescheduled the Love Without Limits ReUnion Retreat Week I was planning before I broke my leg last summer. Armand and Angelina have agreed to join me at our best ever location, on the beach, in Tulum, Mexico (about an hour south of Cancun) May 23-30, 2009. Register online NOW at http://www.sevenlawsoflove.com/store/shopdisplayproducts.asp?id=22&cat=Workshops  and get a Super Deluxe beach front upgrade with private bath at no extra charge! Armand (www.armandandangelina.com)  will tell you it was the best week of his life, and so will almost everyone else who attended one of our many Tulum retreats.

Aloha ia o'koa pa'ulo. When we meet in love, we shall be whole!

Much love to you all,

Deborah Taj Anapol