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china
January 2009 
Paradox and Presence
Posted on Sep 8th, 2008
by 
tajmahalo
tajmahalo
As my time in Beijing runs out, I find it easier to appreciate this multi-faceted city. There is still much to explore which is wonderful since I will very likely be coming back. As I write these words, I’m reminded of how relating with places is similar to relating with people. So often we appreciate each other fully only when faced with the loss of someone dear to us, whether through death, geographic separation, or a breakdown in our connection. Instead of going for it in each moment, we tell ourselves that we can always go deeper, say what we really feel, admit we’ve made a mistake, or whatever, in the future. But like Beijing, our loved ones may be changing and shifting very rapidly. By the time we get around to showing up more fully, entire neighborhoods may have disappeared and been replaced by new development, making it impossible to experience certain unique moments which are gone forever. At the same time, new developments may make some people and places more accessible or more available. We have no way of knowing what the future will bring, but whether or not we consider progress desirable, we can’t turn the clock back.
In Beijing, precious little of the past remains. Except for a few icons such as Forbidden City, Summer Palace, and a handful of Buddhist and Taoist Temples, the city is blanketed in modern skyscrapers and shopping malls. Much of what the Western and Japanese invaders left unmolested was destroyed by the Chinese themselves during the Cultural Revolution, or afterwards in the race to modernize. Entire villages have been relocated to make way for Olympic venues or new construction. Like a couple who decides to forgive and forget, China is open to the unknown in a way that many Western countries are not.
And yet certain traits and habits persist, as they do in families around the globe. I’ve had the bittersweet opportunity to observe both admirable and dysfunctional family patterns showing up in my grand daughter who is now age five. It’s particularly challenging to see stuff that I have long since transcended, or at least like to think I’ve grown beyond, such as a tendency to control, and a tenacity that can easily go over the line to stubbornness, reincarnating in the third generation. A bossy and spiteful five year old is not a pretty site in any circumstances. And when the five year old becomes jealous of her younger sister who retains the sweetness and innocence that invites and welcomes loving attention, it’s a real challenge to stay open and free of judgment while not caving in to her demands in order to avoid a tantrum.
One day I went for a walk alone in the neighborhood and came across a small shop with a sign in English which read “Love Shop.” Probably a sex store I thought to myself and I decided to cross the street and check it out. Sure enough, the shop was filled with a vast selection of mostly poor quality vibrators and dildos of every description and a few leather goods and lingerie. The proprietor greeted me in English but didn’t seem to understand my questions about whether she’d heard of the “crystal wand” – a non-electronic, ergonomically designed sacred spot massage tool created by Cynthia Lamborne (www.lovenectar.com). Later that evening, going to dinner with family and friends at Beijing’s new (and first) Ethiopian restaurant, I saw another sex shop in a different neighborhood, and began to wonder how many of these stores there are in Beijing. Perhaps it was a coincidence that I came across two in the same day!
In any case I was more intrigued by the restaurant’s display on Ethiopian coffee than the sex toys. The menu stated that in deference to the sacredness of coffee in Ethiopian culture, coffee was only served as part of the traditional coffee ritual, which did not take place during my visit. However, a table was set with the ceremonial pot, cups, and incense which greatly intrigued the children as they were colorful and miniature, somewhat like the implements for an Asian tea ceremony.
I already knew a little about the coffee tradition in Ethiopia thanks to an Ethiopian American client of mine. As the part owner of an organic Kona coffee farm in Hawaii who is skeptical about a society that runs on caffeine, I loved the idea of considering coffee a sacred sacrament! How would it transform our relationships, and our work lives, if we made sharing coffee an occasion to acknowledge the Divine?
Which brings me to my next journey. India has been calling me for many years and I am finally going in November. Not only that, a series of chance encounters appears to have created the opportunity for me to teach in Pune December 12-14. For more info on my workshop, or if you’d like to join a tour with Laurie Handler of Butterfly Tantra, email me now!
Much love and aloha,
Deborah Taj Anapol
In Beijing, precious little of the past remains. Except for a few icons such as Forbidden City, Summer Palace, and a handful of Buddhist and Taoist Temples, the city is blanketed in modern skyscrapers and shopping malls. Much of what the Western and Japanese invaders left unmolested was destroyed by the Chinese themselves during the Cultural Revolution, or afterwards in the race to modernize. Entire villages have been relocated to make way for Olympic venues or new construction. Like a couple who decides to forgive and forget, China is open to the unknown in a way that many Western countries are not.
And yet certain traits and habits persist, as they do in families around the globe. I’ve had the bittersweet opportunity to observe both admirable and dysfunctional family patterns showing up in my grand daughter who is now age five. It’s particularly challenging to see stuff that I have long since transcended, or at least like to think I’ve grown beyond, such as a tendency to control, and a tenacity that can easily go over the line to stubbornness, reincarnating in the third generation. A bossy and spiteful five year old is not a pretty site in any circumstances. And when the five year old becomes jealous of her younger sister who retains the sweetness and innocence that invites and welcomes loving attention, it’s a real challenge to stay open and free of judgment while not caving in to her demands in order to avoid a tantrum.
One day I went for a walk alone in the neighborhood and came across a small shop with a sign in English which read “Love Shop.” Probably a sex store I thought to myself and I decided to cross the street and check it out. Sure enough, the shop was filled with a vast selection of mostly poor quality vibrators and dildos of every description and a few leather goods and lingerie. The proprietor greeted me in English but didn’t seem to understand my questions about whether she’d heard of the “crystal wand” – a non-electronic, ergonomically designed sacred spot massage tool created by Cynthia Lamborne (www.lovenectar.com). Later that evening, going to dinner with family and friends at Beijing’s new (and first) Ethiopian restaurant, I saw another sex shop in a different neighborhood, and began to wonder how many of these stores there are in Beijing. Perhaps it was a coincidence that I came across two in the same day!
In any case I was more intrigued by the restaurant’s display on Ethiopian coffee than the sex toys. The menu stated that in deference to the sacredness of coffee in Ethiopian culture, coffee was only served as part of the traditional coffee ritual, which did not take place during my visit. However, a table was set with the ceremonial pot, cups, and incense which greatly intrigued the children as they were colorful and miniature, somewhat like the implements for an Asian tea ceremony.
I already knew a little about the coffee tradition in Ethiopia thanks to an Ethiopian American client of mine. As the part owner of an organic Kona coffee farm in Hawaii who is skeptical about a society that runs on caffeine, I loved the idea of considering coffee a sacred sacrament! How would it transform our relationships, and our work lives, if we made sharing coffee an occasion to acknowledge the Divine?
Which brings me to my next journey. India has been calling me for many years and I am finally going in November. Not only that, a series of chance encounters appears to have created the opportunity for me to teach in Pune December 12-14. For more info on my workshop, or if you’d like to join a tour with Laurie Handler of Butterfly Tantra, email me now!
Much love and aloha,
Deborah Taj Anapol
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