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arunachala
January 2009 
Arunachala, Integration, and Sexual Healing
Posted on Jan 2nd, 2009
by 
tajmahalo
tajmahalo
My journey back from India took two and a half days for my body, and about another week for my mind. In a way it seems my spirit remains at Arunachala where I instantly felt I’d come home. The Hindu scriptures tell us that the “hill” in southern India called Arunachala is the earthly manifestation of Shiva, the original Shivalinga and site of an ancient – and still active - Shiva temple. Legend says that anyone living within 30 miles of Arunachala is certain to attain Union with the Divine. The scientists say it’s some of the oldest land on the planet. Ganesha, the nephew of Sri Ramana Maharshi, who spent most of his life at Arunachala, says simply that “the top of Arunachala is not of this world.” My own experience is that Arunachala acts like a giant magnetic that can align human energies and literally pulls one into the core. I could indeed sense its field from a distance of many miles.
This temple town attracts tens of thousands of Hindu pilgrims and orange robed Shaivite sadhus along with Ramana Maharshi devotees from all over the world, many of whom are teachers and satsang leaders in their own right, creating a richly diverse spiritual tapestry, which peaks at the December Full Moon festival called Deepam. I’m so grateful to have taken part in this festival and also to have visited many other sacred sites throughout India. Apart from Arunachala, my favorite place was the Tantric temples of Khajuraho, which are awesome works of art and still hold a powerful energy although they are no longer in use. If some or all of what I’m talking about is strange to you, no worries. Feel free to ask, or simply read on for some less esoteric material. I hope to offer some groups in India in 2010, so if you too would like to experience a culture in which spirituality still comes before materialism, let me know of your interest.
More immediately, I plan to be in Hawaii until May 23 – 30 when I return to Tulum, Mexico, another spiritually powerful place, long sacred to the Mayans, for our Tenth Anniversary Retreat. I know some of you are wanting to come but finding it hard to commit in this uncertain economy. Several people I know have lost their life savings in recent months, and many others are fearful about their futures. It appears to me that we will simply have to start finding our security somewhere other than Wall Street!
If spending money on this retreat means that you won’t be able to pay your rent or your mortgage, or other essentials, please don’t come. But if you want to participate with kindred spirits in this Seven Chakra Gathering whose purpose is to initiate a new way of being which has the potential to inspire creative, joyful, and practical solutions to the challenges we are facing on Planet Earth these days, please do respond to this invitation! You can register online now at www.sevenlawsoflove.com. For me, I feel called both to complete the work I’ve been doing for many years in sexual healing and conscious relating, and to begin a new and truly wholistic manifestation which incorporates everything I’ve done so far, and takes it to the next level.
Honestly, I’m increasingly troubled by much of what I see going on in both the sacred sexuality and polyamory communities these days. While it’s heartening on the one hand to see how these movements have grown in the last decade, and while there are many skilled and talented individuals making important contributions, there’s an unfortunate tendency to lose sight of the larger picture of integrating sexuality into life as a whole and to take actions which tend to polarize people into opposing camps.
For example, a man who’s admired as a leader in both these communities is about to release a documentary film about his work. Many people, particularly those working as sexual healers, are concerned that his inclusion of material concerning a client’s perception that she was raped and the portrayal of blurred boundaries between his professional and personal relationships, will create an unnecessarily controversial image of sexual healing. While it’s certainly very courageous of him to reveal so much of who he is, I doubt that bringing rape and dating clients into a public conversation on sexual healing will serve him, or his community.
The reality is that for the general public, which is the intended audience for this film as I understand it, the most conservative possible presentation of hands on sexual healing is a powerful button pusher. And when people’s buttons are pushed they do not process information very well. Only a few years back I was fielding questions on radio talk shows from listeners who couldn’t distinguish between polyamory and prostitution. In their minds both meant slut, sluts were bad and wrong, and nothing more need be said. It’s useless to talk to such people about the concept of an “ethical slut,” they simply aren’t open to hearing it. Likewise, when sexual healing, rape, and morphing clients and lovers are mixed together, people are very likely to come away with the conviction that sexual healing is dangerous, immoral, and should certainly be illegal.
If harsh actions against sexual healers are what is needed to improve the quality and safety of care being offered, then I surrender to that. But I would much rather see this initiative come from within the community. As I’ve said before in a different context, it’s always better to volunteer.
Already, I see far too many unconscious abuses of power and lapses of integrity in many well meaning but inadequately educated practitioners to feel comfortable being associated with a movement that I helped to create. We all make mistakes, and I’ve certainly made more than my share. That’s how I’ve learned much what I know. But when we don’t recognize our mistakes, they are unlikely to teach us anything. While I am a long time advocate of hands-on, body centered healing, I find myself wondering whether there is more harm than good being done in the name of sexual healing. Sometimes it seems that polyamory has become an excuse for doing whatever you want, whenever you want, regardless of the impact on others, or worse yet another tool for manipulation. And sexual healing has become a way to justify sex which falls outside of whatever belief system you hold about restricting sexual expression. I know there are many heartful, compassionate, and committed explorers out here on the frontiers of love, sex, and intimacy, but I feel we need to be more aware of the potential for harm when we venture beyond consensus reality without the wise counsel of mentors and elders.
What do you think??? Please share your thoughts and help co-create some dialogue on these important matter!
On a deeper level, I find myself wondering how it is that so many people have forgotten, or perhaps never knew in the first place, that the Sexual Revolution of the 60’s and 70’s held an intention for Liberation – not just sexual freedom as an end in itself, but as a means to spiritual liberation. It’s always tricky to speak of Spiritual Liberation, because of the tendency our minds have to hijack these lofty words and make them into another bogus mental concept or another commodity to be sold to the highest bidder. Perhaps it’s better to say that the slogan, “Make Love, Not War,” has yet to be realized. It seems the “making love” part has been much more successful than the “not war” part. Or maybe the majority of people are still “having sex” instead of “making love.” But even love, and especially “free love” have been radically misunderstood by many. Please join me in holding space for deep transformation and world peace instead of more of the same old, same old in the ways we live and love and heal together!
I’m hopeful that we’re on the cusp of yet another wave of development in human life. If enough of us recognize that now is the time to come home to who we really are, just maybe the overall consciousness of humanity could evolve in amazing ways. And That is what the world needs now! I totally support everyone’s efforts to love and heal themselves, and by extension to love and heal others, and I know that this happens most naturally and effectively when we humbly surround ourselves with others who are willing and able to point out our blind spots while loving us unconditionally.
Aloha ia o'koa pa'ulo. When we meet in love, we shall be whole!
Much love to you all,
Deborah Taj Anapol
This temple town attracts tens of thousands of Hindu pilgrims and orange robed Shaivite sadhus along with Ramana Maharshi devotees from all over the world, many of whom are teachers and satsang leaders in their own right, creating a richly diverse spiritual tapestry, which peaks at the December Full Moon festival called Deepam. I’m so grateful to have taken part in this festival and also to have visited many other sacred sites throughout India. Apart from Arunachala, my favorite place was the Tantric temples of Khajuraho, which are awesome works of art and still hold a powerful energy although they are no longer in use. If some or all of what I’m talking about is strange to you, no worries. Feel free to ask, or simply read on for some less esoteric material. I hope to offer some groups in India in 2010, so if you too would like to experience a culture in which spirituality still comes before materialism, let me know of your interest.
More immediately, I plan to be in Hawaii until May 23 – 30 when I return to Tulum, Mexico, another spiritually powerful place, long sacred to the Mayans, for our Tenth Anniversary Retreat. I know some of you are wanting to come but finding it hard to commit in this uncertain economy. Several people I know have lost their life savings in recent months, and many others are fearful about their futures. It appears to me that we will simply have to start finding our security somewhere other than Wall Street!
If spending money on this retreat means that you won’t be able to pay your rent or your mortgage, or other essentials, please don’t come. But if you want to participate with kindred spirits in this Seven Chakra Gathering whose purpose is to initiate a new way of being which has the potential to inspire creative, joyful, and practical solutions to the challenges we are facing on Planet Earth these days, please do respond to this invitation! You can register online now at www.sevenlawsoflove.com. For me, I feel called both to complete the work I’ve been doing for many years in sexual healing and conscious relating, and to begin a new and truly wholistic manifestation which incorporates everything I’ve done so far, and takes it to the next level.
Honestly, I’m increasingly troubled by much of what I see going on in both the sacred sexuality and polyamory communities these days. While it’s heartening on the one hand to see how these movements have grown in the last decade, and while there are many skilled and talented individuals making important contributions, there’s an unfortunate tendency to lose sight of the larger picture of integrating sexuality into life as a whole and to take actions which tend to polarize people into opposing camps.
For example, a man who’s admired as a leader in both these communities is about to release a documentary film about his work. Many people, particularly those working as sexual healers, are concerned that his inclusion of material concerning a client’s perception that she was raped and the portrayal of blurred boundaries between his professional and personal relationships, will create an unnecessarily controversial image of sexual healing. While it’s certainly very courageous of him to reveal so much of who he is, I doubt that bringing rape and dating clients into a public conversation on sexual healing will serve him, or his community.
The reality is that for the general public, which is the intended audience for this film as I understand it, the most conservative possible presentation of hands on sexual healing is a powerful button pusher. And when people’s buttons are pushed they do not process information very well. Only a few years back I was fielding questions on radio talk shows from listeners who couldn’t distinguish between polyamory and prostitution. In their minds both meant slut, sluts were bad and wrong, and nothing more need be said. It’s useless to talk to such people about the concept of an “ethical slut,” they simply aren’t open to hearing it. Likewise, when sexual healing, rape, and morphing clients and lovers are mixed together, people are very likely to come away with the conviction that sexual healing is dangerous, immoral, and should certainly be illegal.
If harsh actions against sexual healers are what is needed to improve the quality and safety of care being offered, then I surrender to that. But I would much rather see this initiative come from within the community. As I’ve said before in a different context, it’s always better to volunteer.
Already, I see far too many unconscious abuses of power and lapses of integrity in many well meaning but inadequately educated practitioners to feel comfortable being associated with a movement that I helped to create. We all make mistakes, and I’ve certainly made more than my share. That’s how I’ve learned much what I know. But when we don’t recognize our mistakes, they are unlikely to teach us anything. While I am a long time advocate of hands-on, body centered healing, I find myself wondering whether there is more harm than good being done in the name of sexual healing. Sometimes it seems that polyamory has become an excuse for doing whatever you want, whenever you want, regardless of the impact on others, or worse yet another tool for manipulation. And sexual healing has become a way to justify sex which falls outside of whatever belief system you hold about restricting sexual expression. I know there are many heartful, compassionate, and committed explorers out here on the frontiers of love, sex, and intimacy, but I feel we need to be more aware of the potential for harm when we venture beyond consensus reality without the wise counsel of mentors and elders.
What do you think??? Please share your thoughts and help co-create some dialogue on these important matter!
On a deeper level, I find myself wondering how it is that so many people have forgotten, or perhaps never knew in the first place, that the Sexual Revolution of the 60’s and 70’s held an intention for Liberation – not just sexual freedom as an end in itself, but as a means to spiritual liberation. It’s always tricky to speak of Spiritual Liberation, because of the tendency our minds have to hijack these lofty words and make them into another bogus mental concept or another commodity to be sold to the highest bidder. Perhaps it’s better to say that the slogan, “Make Love, Not War,” has yet to be realized. It seems the “making love” part has been much more successful than the “not war” part. Or maybe the majority of people are still “having sex” instead of “making love.” But even love, and especially “free love” have been radically misunderstood by many. Please join me in holding space for deep transformation and world peace instead of more of the same old, same old in the ways we live and love and heal together!
I’m hopeful that we’re on the cusp of yet another wave of development in human life. If enough of us recognize that now is the time to come home to who we really are, just maybe the overall consciousness of humanity could evolve in amazing ways. And That is what the world needs now! I totally support everyone’s efforts to love and heal themselves, and by extension to love and heal others, and I know that this happens most naturally and effectively when we humbly surround ourselves with others who are willing and able to point out our blind spots while loving us unconditionally.
Aloha ia o'koa pa'ulo. When we meet in love, we shall be whole!
Much love to you all,
Deborah Taj Anapol
Access: PublicTagged with: sexual healing, polyamory, tantra, love, spirituality, India, Arunachala, Tulum, chakras
I had the opportunity to screen the documentary in question, at a conference for sacred sexuality and sexual healing practitioners. The real time feedback given by the crowd (including me) is that the documentary can only serve to discredit the practitioner,and the sacred sexuality community in general. The whole story line around the “alleged rape” and his clients becoming lovers was rather concerning (to say the least) to many of us. His only reply seemed to be “this is why the producer/director suggested I don’t show it…it’s not finished with the cutting room yet”. All well and good, except in the documentary it also shows him laughing off the whole thing…stunning.
There were a few fawning sycophants present ardently telling him how wonderful his documentary is, but mostly there were very responsible people advising him (some quite strenuously) that to include his obsession with his girlfriend, and the morphing of client relationships to that oflovers, combined with the rape allegation being mentioned….none of this serves him or his image. I also have grave concerns for how this might impact not only thesexual healer community, but the sacred sexuality community as a whole, possibly even the poly-community and sexual rights in general, and said so at the time.
I support you ingiving voice to these concerns openly. The idea of a self-monitoring collective of sexual healing practitioners is an interesting one. Something like an association with a mission statement, and a covenant of ethics that can be agreed to in order to obtain membership credentials, and …..a review board in the event of allegations of unprofessional conduct? It could get complicated, but it’s been done in other fields so why not this one? Something to ponder…and perhaps act on.
Thank you for sharing so much wisdom on these matters!! I share your concerns about these whole movements or sub-cultures, and ‘twas ever thus; lofty beginnings often or usually degenerate into the lowest common denominator. I don’t know any way around it. All attempts at preservation of purity of teachings and movements that I have seen, are really counter-productive/restrictive as well as futile.
So, just “taking things to the next level” seems to be the best way to proceed – for those who have learned from what was developed and presented, and are ready to move up and on.
I totally resonate with your “whole-life” approach to these sexual and relationship matters; what starts as “sacred” often becomes secular again, instead of becoming “whole.”
And I totally resonate with and support voluntary self-monitoring, self-regulation; it has been done by other approaches, and can be done here, too. The association might be a good way to go.
Most deeply, I appreciate and resonate with your optimistic view that humanity CAN expand and grow in consciousness in large numbers rapidly – at leastI got that implication from what you said. That’s part of the Vision I embody, but I’ve recently discovered it’s not shared by some folks I thought did share it.
Anyway, thank you for this blog and I hope it sparks a big discussion and a large downstream !
In the Love We Are,
Rev. O.M. Bastet,
Teacher of Sacred Sexuality
I am posting this for Cynthia Taylor Lamborne, cynthia@lovenectar.com, who is a long time Tantrika and inventor of a wonderful G-spot massage tool called “the crystal wand.”
Thank you for your putting in writing what I have thought about felt so much for awhile now! …Concerning the “Tantric/Sexual Healing”
paradigm that can be a tricky arena for “Sexual Healers” to play out “unhealed sexual/emotional issues. It is time for this to be brought to the surface and look closely and “Healer to Heal Thyself” Through this self-honesty newfound humility can emerge that will support a new paradigm of integrity, self honesty, discernment and self compassion which I feel are essential qualities for any one wishing to Awaken Spiritually and to serve as an Authentic Healer. Thank you so much for the mirror!
There is an organization already, the Association of Sexual Energy Professionals. The mission of ASEP, is primarily for networking between all professionals with an interest in sexual healing, and dialogue between somatic and clinical branches of the field. While the mission does not include certifying, policing, or even referring, the creation of community, conversation, and the opportunity to know one another and our varied ways of working can serve to “support a new paradigm of integrity, self honesty, discernment and self compassion”, as Cynthia writes.
We are a few days from launching a new website and online membership community. The URL will be http://goasep.org. If you visit now you will see the remains of our former website.
Thank you for this post Deborah. I don’t know about the film you mention, but I find it a matter for concern. I hope someone stops whoever it is!
Hi All: Well, at the conference where we screened it we were very clear what our concerns are. It is my understanding this pracitioner feels the documentary is just fine. As Taj suggests, I also believe that there’s a disconnect with reality is this individual when it comes to the potential for public backlash. I can honestly say that I certainly would not use that documentary to attempt to explain to others what sexual healing is.
Carla, I think it’s great if there’s an association for sexual healers to network, but I think what Taj is referring to, and what I certainly am, is an association that will ask it’s members to hold themselves to a certain ethic, with the potential for a way there would be consequences (like a peer review board). Hammering out what those ethics would be, would of course need to be a totally thoughtful, measured process.I’m rather the anartchist, but I think the concerns raised here warrant further thought as to how toprotect and promote sexual healing work as an ethic option for people.
Namaste’
I just had the most amazing “dream” I feel inclined to share, not sure where to.
Perhaps there are two briefer earlier related dreams, with unremembered stuff between all these incidents.
In the first, I was giving my sweetheart a good licking, and we were sitting outdoors like in our yard. Then a bit later I discovered a neighbor had seen and was shocked, outraged.
Then I was at a lecture and a young? man in the front row had started to speak on the subject at length, and share some wisdom I and others wanted to hear, and it seemed OK for him to do that in the situation (not an interruption, the nominal speaker was not a part of my dream,) but he was facing the stage, and was speaking too quietly, and I and others told him to stand up and turn around and face the audience while talking. I don’t remember the subject-matter. Then that dream faded
Then I was in a spontaneous gathering of about 25 people, gay and straight, men and women. We were in a private meeting space, lots of wood and tables, like upstairs room at a restaurant. There was a guy starting to speak to us, to give an educational talk about some intimate sexual subject, like women’s sacred spot massage. He was perhaps in his late 30’s, a solid-built Caucasian guy of medium height, possibly light brown hair, round-ish face.
He was NOT someone I recognize in “real life” as a teacher of sacred sexuality, I hasten to add. In the dream, the gathering was not a booked-and-promoted event with a known speaker; it was an impromptu gathering and he was not known to any of us.
Some people were saying “This is unprecedented,” I heard that word several times, and they were meaning the open interest in hearing a public educational talk about an intimate sexual subject. It seemed like a healthful thing for society and the people seemed aware of that.
His sincerity, his expertise, his benevolence, were evident, but he kept mumbling and speaking at too low a volume. I asked him to speak up, and so did others, but he wasn’t doing that. I was getting frustrated and others were, too. It was as if he didn’t want to be heard, lacked the courage to be heard.
Then I was sitting a couple of feet to his left, and he was again speaking too quietly and people weren’t hearing him, but they were interested and wanted to, and were being patient. A young woman, lesbian, on my left asked him a question, and didn’t like his response, so she stood up and said “Well I think I’ll just go talk to myself [and not listen to your talk].” And she walked out, annoyed. I knew others in the audience were discontent from not hearing, and I didn’t want them to leave, too.
I could see him collapsing leaning forward onto the table in front of him; he looked as if he were going to cry and give up.
My heart opened, and I leaned over to him and put my arms around him. I spoke quietly just to him, but everyone was watching and knowing something significant was happening, and they were willing to have the time taken up with this incident.
The words flowed through me: “I love you. I appreciate you. This is important. I would like you to share your wisdom with us.”
As I spoke directly into his left ear, I noticed that his head was shaved, and that a couple of inches in back of his left ear there was the top of a cut faceted opalescent/clear diamond visible in his skin, the top was level with his skin. It was about 3/8 inch across. And I noticed a couple of more of those in the back of his head. When I looked into his eyes, the irises were smaller than normal, and kinda hazel color, but they too were like sparkling faceted diamonds, around the edges of the iris.
[In the dream, of course, all this didn’t seem odd.]
He seemed to be encouraged and strengthened, and was appreciating the effect I had on him, and then, to him or some people around, I said in amusement and with irony about their perspective: “Yeah, pretty good for a 69-year-old lady,” and then I kinda woke up from the dream, but the words I was speaking to him continued to flow:
“This is not about you, [so you do not need to be discouraged or concerned about your reception and you don’t need to take anything personally.] This is about the Vision for the world. Let Love and Truth give you the power and courage to speak. Let Love and Truth speak through you.”
Then the dream situation itself was gone, and I was amazed by the dream, and decided to jump up and write it down before I forgot too many details!
I call this a dream, but it had the sense of being one of those upper-dimensional experiences we have while our normal bodies/minds are asleep. I take it as a hopeful sign about the raising of consciousness among people, about sexuality, which is why I am choosing to share it here as a comment to your blog, Taj.
Apologies for the formatting in above. Attempt to work around the slowness of these textboxes. Don’t have time to edit.
Blessings, OM Bastet
OM Bastet,
Thank you for sharing your dreams. The healers who call the sexual healing energy by its name are the most connected and powerful, I believe, I have a new friend and colleague here in Maine. We met for dinner and talked our heads off. Two people talking openly is a start. Then three together and then a roomful. Speaking without fear. That is my role as an artist, to create artwork that helps start conversations on these topic. A doorway in.
Speaking of talking, that is one great value of ASEP. I was at the conference last year, and for three days we all spoke openly without fear or shame about our work, the orgasmic energy, the body, sex and sexuality, a diverse group of scientists, clinicians and somatic and energy healers from many sacred sexual disciplines. While ASEP does not intend to be the organization you describe, Goddess Tara, it is a place to gather and discuss the issues brought up here of integrity and the threat to the field of unscrupulous or unhealthy practitioners. Through those discussions professionals can reach consensus on whether there needs to be another organization with that mission, and the foundation on which to create it. I encourage every Sexual Energy Professional to Join ASEP. (disclosure: I am the Membership chair ;o)
By the way, rereading your comment, Goddess Tara, I will add that ethical questions are very much a topic of conversation at the ASEP conference. There are two sides to the ethics: the ethical practices of sexual healers, and navigating the ways that sexual healers in full integrity violate the “ethical standards” of professional licensing boards such as Massage therapy and clinical therapists.
Public perception and helpful ways of communicating with the public and staying safe in unsafe legal cultures is also discussed. It is rich.
I’ve never been to the ASEP conference, but I know there is quite a bit of overlap in participation with the other group. How did we end up with not one, but two sexual healer organizations? After there being none? I think both were inspired by the Celebration of Sacred Sexuality Conferences I did in the 90’s, which had the intention to bring everyone in the field together.
Hi Taj:
What is the “other group”, other than ASEP, that you refer to?
I am curious too. I know of several groups and organizations that
sponsor conferences. I’d venture that while there may be overlap in
membership, there would be very distinct mission and intentions.
Namaste, Taj and everyone. i am so glad I found this blog!! Taj and I go back a long time. I am in such agreement with her observations.
I am the co-founder of ASEP and the organizations current President. Ray Stubbs and I founded ASEP in 2006. Carla, ASEP’s new Membership Chair, was kind enough to tell me about this blog today.
I found it interesting that Ray and I were discussing this very documentary just the other day. We too feel it is not in the best interest of the Sacred Sexuality community to publish it. We also have concerns about how the particular organization producing and publishing the documentary portrays a very important controversial yet needed group of modalities dealing with sexual healing and sexual wholeness. I am hoping that the “other organization” that Taj refers to is not the producing organization of the documents.
ASEP is a non-profit, private foundation, formed to bridge the Somatic and the Science of sexual energy by providing education and networking opportunities for its membership. All of our hard work and conference coordinating benefit only the membership and are performed by volunteeers. No one is paid to participate or the serve on the Board. We have produced three conferences with amazing presenters and our fourth is upcoming in September. We do not pay presenters to speak at our conference. We do not certify nor do we offer referal or marketing services for our members. We are an organization formed to share information among ourselves and support one another.
At present we have a membership that incorporates a wonderful mix of AASECT certified sexual professionals, Quad S members, Clergy, Medical and Psychological Professionals, Somatic Bodyworkers, Sexological Bodyworkers, Tantra Teachers, Massage Therapists, Sex Workers, Sex Advocates, and others. Many of orginal members to ASEP have fallen away simply because they discovered the ASEP Conferences are not another opportunity for them to play but one to truly expand, network and learn from one another.
We are in the process of redesigning the website and it should be launched within the week. However you can see the general ASEP profile at www.goasep.org then go back in a few days to see more.
Please let me know if you wish more information.
Love and light to you all
EveLynn Maurine
Hi Evelynn,
Thanks for providing all this information on ASEP. I hope you’ll continue to blog with us on the questions surrounding the appropriateness of hands on sexual healing as a profession.
I feel this conversation is winding down, partly because everyone who has posted agrees with my initial comments. And yet, I know there are plenty of other opinions out there …
Perhaps the more general question is - Was Reich right? If you don’t know what I mean by that, stay tuned for my next blog.
Love, Taj