Gaia Community: tajmahalo's Blog

Reich, Osho, and the Sexual Revolution

http://tajmahalo.gaia.com — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 16:39:03 GMT

Reclaiming our sexual power is often the start of transformation, but it is only the start! As Osho put it, “Sex is only the beginning, but if you miss the beginning, you also miss the ending.” I visited the Osho Ashram, AKA the Osho Resort, on my trip to India in December and while it is very beautiful and extraordinarily clean, especially for India, it seems to have lost its transformational edge.

An AIDS test is required for admission to the resort, but according to the few old time Sanyassins still hanging around, there is much less sexual activity going on than in the old days.

Some of you may be familiar with the work of Dr. Wilheim Reich, a brilliant protégé of Sigmund Freud and major architect of the Sexual Revolution, whose work is the basis for Jack Painter’s Pelvic Heart Integration work, as well as most of mind/body therapies in use today. Most people have forgotten that Reich’s theories and practices for enhancing orgasmic potency and sexual freedom were PART of a larger vision for returning humankind to a more natural state. Like Osho, he believed that if the energies wasted in repressing sexual desire were freed up and if we could unravel the twists in personality and society whose purpose is to repress sexuality, then our inherent creativity and resources could be directed toward designing a better world. While Reich’s theories have not yet been the subject of scientific research, (and it occurs to me that maybe Reich was just plain wrong since despite the increases in sexual freedom in the last fifty years, Utopia has not arrived and greed and violence continue unabated) if Reich is correct, those of you who’ve been working on your own sexual liberation for years now, should be prime candidates for leading the next wave of change. And that wave of change bears little ressemblance to what I see going on in the sex positive world. If this is a conversation that interests you, please join me in continuing it here! It is the subject of one of the books I’m eager to write.

Much Love and Aloha,
Deborah Taj Anapol

Tags: Reich, Osho, Sex, Transformation, Liberation

Arunachala, Integration, and Sexual Healing

http://tajmahalo.gaia.com — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 22:54:15 GMT

My journey back from India took two and a half days for my body, and about another week for my mind. In a way it seems my spirit remains at Arunachala where I instantly felt I’d come home. The Hindu scriptures tell us that the “hill” in southern India called Arunachala is the earthly manifestation of Shiva, the original Shivalinga and site of an ancient – and still active - Shiva temple. Legend says that anyone living within 30 miles of Arunachala is certain to attain Union with the Divine. The scientists say it’s some of the oldest land on the planet. Ganesha, the nephew of Sri Ramana Maharshi, who spent most of his life at Arunachala, says simply that “the top of Arunachala is not of this world.” My own experience is that Arunachala acts like a giant magnetic that can align human energies and literally pulls one into the core. I could indeed sense its field from a distance of many miles.

This temple town attracts tens of thousands of Hindu pilgrims and orange robed Shaivite sadhus along with Ramana Maharshi devotees from all over the world, many of whom are teachers and satsang leaders in their own right, creating a richly diverse spiritual tapestry, which peaks at the December Full Moon festival called Deepam. I’m so grateful to have taken part in this festival and also to have visited many other sacred sites throughout India. Apart from Arunachala, my favorite place was the Tantric temples of Khajuraho, which are awesome works of art and still hold a powerful energy although they are no longer in use. If some or all of what I’m talking about is strange to you, no worries. Feel free to ask, or simply read on for some less esoteric material. I hope to offer some groups in India in 2010, so if you too would like to experience a culture in which spirituality still comes before materialism, let me know of your interest.

More immediately, I plan to be in Hawaii until May 23 – 30 when I return to Tulum, Mexico, another spiritually powerful place, long sacred to the Mayans, for our Tenth Anniversary Retreat. I know some of you are wanting to come but finding it hard to commit in this uncertain economy. Several people I know have lost their life savings in recent months, and many others are fearful about their futures. It appears to me that we will simply have to start finding our security somewhere other than Wall Street!

If spending money on this retreat means that you won’t be able to pay your rent or your mortgage, or other essentials, please don’t come. But if you want to participate with kindred spirits in this Seven Chakra Gathering whose purpose is to initiate a new way of being which has the potential to inspire creative, joyful, and practical solutions to the challenges we are facing on Planet Earth these days, please do respond to this invitation! You can register online now at www.sevenlawsoflove.com. For me, I feel called both to complete the work I’ve been doing for many years in sexual healing and conscious relating, and to begin a new and truly wholistic manifestation which incorporates everything I’ve done so far, and takes it to the next level.

Honestly, I’m increasingly troubled by much of what I see going on in both the sacred sexuality and polyamory communities these days. While it’s heartening on the one hand to see how these movements have grown in the last decade, and while there are many skilled and talented individuals making important contributions, there’s an unfortunate tendency to lose sight of the larger picture of integrating sexuality into life as a whole and to take actions which tend to polarize people into opposing camps.

For example, a man who’s admired as a leader in both these communities is about to release a documentary film about his work. Many people, particularly those working as sexual healers, are concerned that his inclusion of material concerning a client’s perception that she was raped and the portrayal of blurred boundaries between his professional and personal relationships, will create an unnecessarily controversial image of sexual healing. While it’s certainly very courageous of him to reveal so much of who he is, I doubt that bringing rape and dating clients into a public conversation on sexual healing will serve him, or his community.

The reality is that for the general public, which is the intended audience for this film as I understand it, the most conservative possible presentation of hands on sexual healing is a powerful button pusher. And when people’s buttons are pushed they do not process information very well. Only a few years back I was fielding questions on radio talk shows from listeners who couldn’t distinguish between polyamory and prostitution. In their minds both meant slut, sluts were bad and wrong, and nothing more need be said. It’s useless to talk to such people about the concept of an “ethical slut,” they simply aren’t open to hearing it. Likewise, when sexual healing, rape, and morphing clients and lovers are mixed together, people are very likely to come away with the conviction that sexual healing is dangerous, immoral, and should certainly be illegal.

If harsh actions against sexual healers are what is needed to improve the quality and safety of care being offered, then I surrender to that. But I would much rather see this initiative come from within the community. As I’ve said before in a different context, it’s always better to volunteer.

Already, I see far too many unconscious abuses of power and lapses of integrity in many well meaning but inadequately educated practitioners to feel comfortable being associated with a movement that I helped to create. We all make mistakes, and I’ve certainly made more than my share. That’s how I’ve learned much what I know. But when we don’t recognize our mistakes, they are unlikely to teach us anything. While I am a long time advocate of hands-on, body centered healing, I find myself wondering whether there is more harm than good being done in the name of sexual healing. Sometimes it seems that polyamory has become an excuse for doing whatever you want, whenever you want, regardless of the impact on others, or worse yet another tool for manipulation. And sexual healing has become a way to justify sex which falls outside of whatever belief system you hold about restricting sexual expression. I know there are many heartful, compassionate, and committed explorers out here on the frontiers of love, sex, and intimacy, but I feel we need to be more aware of the potential for harm when we venture beyond consensus reality without the wise counsel of mentors and elders.

What do you think??? Please share your thoughts and help co-create some dialogue on these important matter!

On a deeper level, I find myself wondering how it is that so many people have forgotten, or perhaps never knew in the first place, that the Sexual Revolution of the 60’s and 70’s held an intention for Liberation – not just sexual freedom as an end in itself, but as a means to spiritual liberation. It’s always tricky to speak of Spiritual Liberation, because of the tendency our minds have to hijack these lofty words and make them into another bogus mental concept or another commodity to be sold to the highest bidder. Perhaps it’s better to say that the slogan, “Make Love, Not War,” has yet to be realized. It seems the “making love” part has been much more successful than the “not war” part. Or maybe the majority of people are still “having sex” instead of “making love.” But even love, and especially “free love” have been radically misunderstood by many. Please join me in holding space for deep transformation and world peace instead of more of the same old, same old in the ways we live and love and heal together!

I’m hopeful that we’re on the cusp of yet another wave of development in human life. If enough of us recognize that now is the time to come home to who we really are, just maybe the overall consciousness of humanity could evolve in amazing ways. And That is what the world needs now! I totally support everyone’s efforts to love and heal themselves, and by extension to love and heal others, and I know that this happens most naturally and effectively when we humbly surround ourselves with others who are willing and able to point out our blind spots while loving us unconditionally.

Aloha ia o'koa pa'ulo. When we meet in love, we shall be whole!

Much love to you all,
Deborah Taj Anapol

Tags: sexual healing, polyamory, tantra, love, spirituality, India, Arunachala, Tulum, chakras

Year End Review

http://tajmahalo.gaia.com — Wed, 31 Dec 2008 02:48:47 GMT

One of my year end rituals is to review each month of the past year - often using my calendar, appointment book, and/or journal to jog my memory if I draw a blank - bringing to consciousness the most significant events that shaped my life or touched my soul. For me, 2008 was a year of healing my broken leg, partly through travel to exotic places. And of all the places I visited, what touched me most deeply was kneeling at the tomb of Hazrat Inayat Khan (founder of the Sufi Order of the West) in Delhi. I was overwhelmed by a flood of tears, an opening, cleansing, letting go.

What was the deepest moment for you in 2008?

Namaste,
Deborah Taj Anapol

Tags: life, love, spirituality, travel, India, Sufi, healing, psychosynthesis

Culture and Boundaries and Taking Offense

http://tajmahalo.gaia.com — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 04:32:41 GMT

I’m grateful to have had the opportunity to do so much traveling this year, in part because it’s made me more aware of how personal stuff and cultural conditioning often intermingle. On some level they are the same but because the cultural stuff is shared with so many others, we consider it normal, ie the norm. The good news is that when you are in another country, you are often cut some slack simply because you are a foreigner. Depending upon how xenophobic a person, or a society is, you’re likely to be viewed as an ignorant barbaric foreigner, or as an amusingly foolish innocent. Either way, there’s a good chance people will realize you’re not being deliberately rude when you’ve just done something totally unacceptable.

The thing that most confuses people about relationships is that when something doesn’t feel good, when you are hurting, it’s hard to know whether a “legitimate” boundary has been crossed or whether a pet neurosis is being challenged. I put “legitimate” in quotes to suggest that while we generally think that if we’re triggered it’s because someone has violated us in some way, most often we’re triggered because we have misinterpreted or misunderstood another’s behavior. Very often the other person has innocently, out of ignorance, not disrespect, failed to comply with our expectations. We all know these kinds of misunderstandings are very common between people from different cultures. When you’re in another country, it’s quite obvious, but the USA is a melting pot where most of us are of mixed ancestry, and/or living somewhere and among people – sometimes even within our own families – who do not share our culture but we persist in thinking that they should. And because we live in the 21^st Century with so many constructed identities and subcultures, there are even more opportunities for confusion. Our beloveds, our friends, our family members may not share our cultural programming and yet we assume that they do.

For example, when I was in Japan my American friend was telling me about the challenges she was experiencing with her Japanese mother-in-law. One incident had to do with the mother-in-law getting angry because my friend had not placed her shoes in the right direction outside the entry to her house. Now even foreigners who know nothing about Japanese ways quickly learn that shoes are left at the door. To wear shoes into someone’s home would be just as offensive as entering a temple without removing your shoes, or covering your head, or your bare arms and legs, or whatever the local custom. My friend knew a great deal about Japanese customs, but had no clue that there were proper and improper ways to place your shoes. Apparently, this fine point was not a big enough deal to anyone else for them to have corrected her. Most likely, for the mother-in-law this minor transgression became justification for her unhappiness about the perceived misfortune of having a non-Japanese daughter-in-law. From my friend’s perspective, it was very helpful for her to learn that it’s traditional for the Japanese mother-in-law to treat the daughter-in-law very harshly. This helped her not to take it so personally, and yet, she still felt hurt by the mother-in-law’s frequent attacks. What to do?

When you’re not sure whether you’re dealing with a natural, healthy response or a neurotic reaction in yourself or another, it’s a good time to get an outside opinion – hopefully an enlightened, or at least objective, opinion. It does no good at all to share your dilemma with someone who has the same problematic conditioning and so mistakes your warped point of view for reality. But someone who is relatively free of cultural blinders can help clarify whether it would be best to yield as gracefully as possible or to say “no” to the other’s attempt to pass their issues off as your problem. Of course, yielding in the face of an insurmountable obstacle is usually the wisest course (and those of you who know me, know that this has been a hard lesson for me to learn), but there is no need to search your soul for the source of the conflict, or worse yet, blame yourself, when it has nothing to do with you.

Now tell the truth - does this post push your buttons?

Namaste,
Deborah Taj Anapol

Tags: culture, consciousness, relationships, enlightenment, boundaries, love, life, Japan

Appreciation, Evolution, and the ComingSexual Revolution in Japan

http://tajmahalo.gaia.com — Sun, 05 Oct 2008 22:19:14 GMT

It’s a glorious morning here overlooking the San Francisco Bay as I sip my Kona coffee and enjoy the warm sun on my back. Sea gulls and migrating geese fly overhead and a seal swims near the shore. Jasmine scents the air and gentle waves lap the shore below. I am so grateful to access all this peace and beauty in the midst of the political and financial turmoil which is rocking the US and the world. I’m sure none of you need me to tell you that we’re living in amazing times! Just about a year ago I suggested that we might be witnessing the end of an era, and by now it must be obvious to everyone. As I feel the shock waves radiating out around me, I’m reminded that cultivating appreciation, especially for the love and caring we share with friends, lovers, coworkers, and neighbors is one of the most powerful actions we can take. Why? Because if we manage to navigate our way through this crisis to the peaceful and harmonious life we all want in our heart of hearts, it will based on a shift from the current pervasive state of fear, anxiety, and competition to a newfound awareness of love, communion and Oneness. These words have been tossed around so often, sometimes in the absence of congruent actions, some have tuned them out. Don’t allow cynicism to disempower you! There is still much healing needed on both personal and collective levels, and learning to access the support available, internally and externally, to free ourselves from the weight of the past, will serve us all well.

Speaking of support, just one short week ago I was enjoying a wonderful visit to Yamagata in rural northeastern Japan. The hospitality of my old friend Maiyim and her husband Teru, combined with the grandeur of this exquisite countryside, and the beauty of a largely intact society and culture which has given us Zen, the art of bathing, a unique aesthetic of simplicity and appreciation for nature, healthy food, respect, honoring, and loyalty as virtues, as well as technological wonders, was absolutely awesome. Teru grew up in this idyllic, fertile area with family roots going back many generations and his generous and insightful sharing about local traditions, history, and sacred places was an incredible gift. And one I hope to share with some of you in the future!

There is so much I admire in Japanese culture, some of it familiar from my time in Hawaii where the Japanese influence is strong. For example, nearly everyone bows to each other at the conclusion of any social interaction. This is not an act for tourists, or a dying custom as it seems to be in some countries. This is what I viewed from the back seat as gas tank of the car was filled, at the local market, at soba houses, at the many onsen or natural hot springs I visited, and of course at the Shinto/Buddhist shrines. But according to everyone I talked with, there is this one little glitch, and that has to do with the intimacy – or lack thereof – between men and women. The Japanese seem more evolved than Americans in many ways, but they are struggling with a legacy of rigid gender and family roles along with strong conditioning against expressing emotions and sexual desires. In fact, in the course of teaching a little introduction to chakras, I learned that there is no word in the Japanese language for “clitoris”! I also learned that one of the sacred places Maiyim and Teru had taken me to, a mountain with a huge reddish rock with hot water cascading over it, had been forbidden for women to visit within living memory. Now if ever there was a sign of the Goddess on Earth, this was it! No coincidence that it was the very place women had not been allowed to worship!

Unlike many countries I visited this year, Japan is totally ripe for a rapid sexual evolution! The people are educated, sophisticated, and prosperous. They are not struggling with survival issues, have leisure time to ponder life’s big questions, and want more fulfilling sexualoving relationships. The seed of an inspiration to produce a Goddess Festival in Yamagata was born! I can remember attending one such event in the San Francisco Bay Area maybe twenty years ago when my youngest daughter was a baby. This gathering still stands out in my memory as a space which was inviting, inspirational, and comfortable for men, women, and children alike. In a quiet and gentle way, it changed me forever.

One lovely afternoon we found ourselves eating lunch at a picturesque traditional Inn overlooking a River. I asked the owner (with the help of my bilingual friends), a friendly man in his late sixties who runs in the Honolulu marathon about the possibility of hosting a small workshop or house concert in his dining room and got a short tour of the rooms and the onsen (hot springs) area and surrounding walnut orchards. He directed us to a nearby newly constructed modern auditorium, with several restaurants attached, and I knew this was the site for the event I envisioned! This is a big vision, and will not happen overnight, but I figure the first step will be returning to Yamagata with a small group of fellow travelers, perhaps in 2009. If this sounds appealing to you, let me know, so you can be included in the planning!

Much love and aloha,

Deborah Taj Anapol

Tags: sex, gratitude, appreciation, community, Japan, goddess festival, sex revolution

Paradox and Presence

http://tajmahalo.gaia.com — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 13:17:43 GMT

As my time in Beijing runs out, I find it easier to appreciate this multi-faceted city. There is still much to explore which is wonderful since I will very likely be coming back. As I write these words, I’m reminded of how relating with places is similar to relating with people. So often we appreciate each other fully only when faced with the loss of someone dear to us, whether through death, geographic separation, or a breakdown in our connection. Instead of going for it in each moment, we tell ourselves that we can always go deeper, say what we really feel, admit we’ve made a mistake, or whatever, in the future. But like Beijing, our loved ones may be changing and shifting very rapidly. By the time we get around to showing up more fully, entire neighborhoods may have disappeared and been replaced by new development, making it impossible to experience certain unique moments which are gone forever. At the same time, new developments may make some people and places more accessible or more available. We have no way of knowing what the future will bring, but whether or not we consider progress desirable, we can’t turn the clock back.

In Beijing, precious little of the past remains. Except for a few icons such as Forbidden City, Summer Palace, and a handful of Buddhist and Taoist Temples, the city is blanketed in modern skyscrapers and shopping malls. Much of what the Western and Japanese invaders left unmolested was destroyed by the Chinese themselves during the Cultural Revolution, or afterwards in the race to modernize. Entire villages have been relocated to make way for Olympic venues or new construction. Like a couple who decides to forgive and forget, China is open to the unknown in a way that many Western countries are not.

And yet certain traits and habits persist, as they do in families around the globe. I’ve had the bittersweet opportunity to observe both admirable and dysfunctional family patterns showing up in my grand daughter who is now age five. It’s particularly challenging to see stuff that I have long since transcended, or at least like to think I’ve grown beyond, such as a tendency to control, and a tenacity that can easily go over the line to stubbornness, reincarnating in the third generation. A bossy and spiteful five year old is not a pretty site in any circumstances. And when the five year old becomes jealous of her younger sister who retains the sweetness and innocence that invites and welcomes loving attention, it’s a real challenge to stay open and free of judgment while not caving in to her demands in order to avoid a tantrum.

One day I went for a walk alone in the neighborhood and came across a small shop with a sign in English which read “Love Shop.” Probably a sex store I thought to myself and I decided to cross the street and check it out. Sure enough, the shop was filled with a vast selection of mostly poor quality vibrators and dildos of every description and a few leather goods and lingerie. The proprietor greeted me in English but didn’t seem to understand my questions about whether she’d heard of the “crystal wand” – a non-electronic, ergonomically designed sacred spot massage tool created by Cynthia Lamborne (www.lovenectar.com). Later that evening, going to dinner with family and friends at Beijing’s new (and first) Ethiopian restaurant, I saw another sex shop in a different neighborhood, and began to wonder how many of these stores there are in Beijing. Perhaps it was a coincidence that I came across two in the same day!

In any case I was more intrigued by the restaurant’s display on Ethiopian coffee than the sex toys. The menu stated that in deference to the sacredness of coffee in Ethiopian culture, coffee was only served as part of the traditional coffee ritual, which did not take place during my visit. However, a table was set with the ceremonial pot, cups, and incense which greatly intrigued the children as they were colorful and miniature, somewhat like the implements for an Asian tea ceremony.

I already knew a little about the coffee tradition in Ethiopia thanks to an Ethiopian American client of mine. As the part owner of an organic Kona coffee farm in Hawaii who is skeptical about a society that runs on caffeine, I loved the idea of considering coffee a sacred sacrament! How would it transform our relationships, and our work lives, if we made sharing coffee an occasion to acknowledge the Divine?

Which brings me to my next journey. India has been calling me for many years and I am finally going in November. Not only that, a series of chance encounters appears to have created the opportunity for me to teach in Pune December 12-14. For more info on my workshop, or if you’d like to join a tour with Laurie Handler of Butterfly Tantra, email me now!

Much love and aloha,
Deborah Taj Anapol

Tags: presence, love, sex, relationship, china, ethiopia, coffee, india, consciousness

BREATHE!

http://tajmahalo.gaia.com — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 06:11:46 GMT

I’ve been in Beijing for two weeks now, but besides not understanding the language, today was the first day that was any different from a day in a big city anywhere. Apart from nearly two weeks of grey skies that is. I’ve seen grey skies in Seattle that went on for weeks, but not in July, and not with air so bad that mothers monitor the pollution index and frequently keep their children indoors. I have been so grateful the last two days to see blue sky and sun again with just a familiar smoggy haze on the horizon. I am blessed to have a Bikram Yoga Studio in the basement of the expat apartment complex where I am living! I was able to resume classes last week for the first time since I broke my leg just about a year ago – salvation both for my leg and my lungs!

In my corner(s) of the universe 2008 has seen VOG in Hawaii, wildfire smoke in Northern California, and the Beijing air quality issue made famous by the Olympics, but reported to me as daunting by a friend who traveled here in 1978. I can easily imagine that in the future, many people will remember 2008 as “the year the air became unbreathable.”

Most relationship issues appear insignificant when compared with the possibility of not being able to breathe without filtering the air. Who cares whether your beloved did or said something inconsiderate, or your partner lied to you, when simply breathing the air is damaging your lungs? We’ve come to assume that untreated water is too polluted to drink safely, and many people filter their water to remove toxic chemicals and heavy metals. Most of us still expect to find an unlimited supply of clean, or clean enough, air where ever we go; but this may not continue.

Not surprisingly, the illusion of separation is the root cause of both interpersonal and environmental problems. We imagine that we have an existence separate from the air and the water which sustain all life, we imagine that actions which degrade the natural world in one part of the planet will not impact systems worldwide, and we imagine that what we do to another will not return to us threefold.

These are momentous times here in China, and all over the globe! Humanity is experiencing an accelerated learning curve, and the rate of change in China may be the fastest in the world. I watched the total solar eclipse on the internet through a telescope in Western China as people gather in Beijing for the start of the Olympics this week. My daughter took me to an upscale spa where we had “Chinese Massage” and I distinctly felt a sensation of being reborn into a new life. Today we visited a park where I didn’t see any other Western people and then went to a children’s birthday party at the local MacDonalds. The birthday girl had just arrived in Beijing from the Bay Area, where she was born, but her parents hail from Singapore so are fluent in Chinese. I wish I was! The people here feel very friendly, open, and curious and I’m sad that I am unable to talk with them. Relative to most places I’ve traveled very few people speak English. My five year old granddaughter chats away with her Ayi (nanny) and even the two year old knows more Chinese than I do, so it’s a very humbling experience.

Under these conditions, my ability to read energy and thoughts is heightened, and I find it fascinating just to observe. One thing I’ve noticed is that although Beijing is a big, modern city with skyscrapers, shopping malls, smooth highways filled with big new cars, and lots of taxis, people (except for the taxi drivers) move very slowly. No one seems to be in a rush. It can take ten minutes for a shot of fresh wheat grass to be juiced or a week to get a gym pass processed.

Another thing is that people are much more relaxed about bodies and bodily functions. Babies wear split leg pants which are open at the crotch with nothing underneath. My daughter explains it’s a different approach to potty training. Awareness rather than control is emphasized. Seems like a good idea to me and no expensive disposable diapers piling up in landfills (except for those worn by expat babies, and most likely upper class locals.)

Much love and aloha,

Deborah Taj Anapol

Tags: breath, bodies, pollution, air, culture, life, separation, environment

Surrendering to the River of Love

http://tajmahalo.gaia.com — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 05:44:59 GMT

When I first came to California in my teens I was awestruck by the clear blue sky. The blazing intensity of a sun unimpeded by clouds or haze was a delightful new experience. The recent epidemic of forest fires burning out of control all across the state and filling the air hundreds of miles away with smoke thick enough to irritate the eyes and lungs of millions of people, not to mention transmuting the light of the sun into a dull orange glow was also a new experience. Living in the shadow of smokey skies for a seemingly endless week felt more ominous than delightful. Particularly since it was a week I spent organizing, sorting, and packing, under a deadline, as I struggled to somehow intuit, guess, remember, or imagine what I would need for at least six months in unknown territory. In the past, this would have been a perfect set up for me to lose my center. I am so grateful for the gift of sailing through this experience with nothing more troubling than an aching body. And even that has been an opening to receive as I’ve been gifted with four wonderful and different bodywork sessions in the days that followed.

Now that I’ve hit the road, or more accurately the skies, I have a wonderful sense of freedom. The last time I really did not know where I would be going and what I would be doing far into the future was when I was seventeen years old and had just graduated from high school. I knew I had a college dorm room in the heart of New York City waiting for me in the Fall, but I didn’t know if I wanted to go there. I knew I could always land at my parents’ home, and I did know I didn’t want to go there. With the whole summer, and in fact my whole life, stretching out ahead of me I felt the excitement of unimagined adventures. I set out with my army surplus back pack and sleeping bag and $50 stashed in a pocket in case of emergency. I intended to live by my wits and allow myself to be guided toward the greatest opportunities for self awareness. Life was much simpler in those days. No home computers, no internet, no cell phones, no credit cards, no responsibilities.

It was the summer of 1969, and I took full advantage of the chance to explore psychedelics, sex, synchronicity, and rock and roll. A lover gave me a copy of Pilgrim’s Progress. I witnessed (on someone else’s TV) a man walking on the moon. I discovered chakras, opened my heart for the first time, became a seasoned hitch hiker and found myself in the midst of what would soon become the world famous Woodstock Music Festival. Everything I needed was provided and even potential dangers were transformed into empowering initiations.

Now, with a large chunk of my life stretching out behind me, I’m beginning a new cycle with no clue where it will lead. All of my efforts to create or maintain some sense of control or security about the future have been reduced to knowing that the only real protection is in following my inner voice and surrendering the deep rooted desire to know how it will unfold. In other words, Existence is demanding that I volunteer to trust in Life.

I’m being encouraged in small ways. For example, I realized as I was boarding the plane for Denver last week that I’d lost a credit card somewhere in the airport. By the time my plane landed two hours later there was a message from my credit card company that a “Good Samaritan” had found my card. I called the number the Visa rep gave me and left a message thanking him and asking him to mail me my card. When the Good Samaritan called back he got my voicemail with a message pointing people to my website, and was very intrigued. I don’t know where this story will end, but at minimum it’s a clear demonstration that the universe is a friendly place which supports me even when my vigilance fails. Maybe even especially when my vigilance fails.

I feel very blessed to have had so many opportunities lately to know that support is always present and available even when it appears I have made a mistake. I’m also excited by the way my work with people is evolving and hope many of you will accept my invitation to join me at an upcoming event.

For phone coaching sessions, I am available by phone at 415.507.1739 until July 19 and then by Skype ONLY in Asia until late September so if you’d like to take a leap into greater integration for yourself or your relationships, email me at taj@lovewithoutlimits.com or phone my Skype number at 415.578.3373 or better yet download Skype yourself and Skype me at Deborah.anapol.

Aloha ia o'koa pa'ulo. When we meet in love, we shall be whole!

Much love to you all,

Deborah Taj Anapol

Tags: spirituality, love, life, surrender, trust, freedom

Winds of Change

http://tajmahalo.gaia.com — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 20:16:39 GMT

The winds of change are gale force these days in my little microcosm of The Universe, how about yours? Huge and unexpected shifts are happening in every imaginable arena for me – new people, places, ideas, connections, and potential projects are multiplying by the minute while what little certainty there was disappears. The good news is that the way things are moving the decisions are being made for me, and as long as I don’t resist these sudden changes its fun and exciting to surrender to the flow.

To give you just one example of what I’m talking about, I found out a few days ago that I have to move out of the place I’ve been living in – in less than a month! The owners of the house suddenly decided to sell their other house and move back in ahead of schedule. My first thought was to look for a new home, but since I’m leaving for China after a little trip to Colorado in July, I don’t really have time to set settled even if I had a place to move to. Since I don’t know whether or not I’ll be returning to Hawaii in January, it seems obvious that I need to put my few remaining things in storage and become a total gypsy for now. I have invitations to visit people all over the country, in fact, all over the world, so clearly that’s what I need to do.

Yesterday I got a call from a reporter for an East Coast newspaper who wanted to interview me about Polyamory. She was very cute -- unlike the typical feature writer who knows at least a little about Polyamory, she was a straight news reporter who wasn’t quite sure how to pronounce this strange word. Interview requests from reporters are not so unusual in my world, but when she said, “I guess you know why I’m calling you now,” I had to admit that I had no clue. My first thought was to wonder which current presidential candidate had been caught in bed with someone other than his or her spouse. It turned out she wanted to talk about a new CBS series on Open Marriage that premieres this Thursday! The show is called Swingtown. It’s a 70’s period piece and in the 70’s what most people now call Polyamory was called Swinging. We’re talking a major network folks and we’re talking 70’s revival! If you’re too young to remember, keep in mind that what most people think of as the 60’s started in the late 60’s and didn’t really catch on until the 70’s.

I have lots to say about Polyamory vs Swinging, which is, of course, one of the things this reporter wanted to ask me about. I quoted my own book saying that in theory, swingers are emotionally monogamous and therefore not truly polyamorous, since polyamory means many loves. In reality, many people who call themselves polyamorous would more accurately be called polysexual, and many people who call themselves swingers fall in love with people other than their mates and find themselves negotiating the challenges of multipartner relationships. I explained to the reporter, “Maybe you’ve met Lesbians who have male lovers. Or vegetarians who eat fish and chicken. Labels and identities can be misleading.”

The thing is, back in the 70’s, many of the people who pioneered swinging were formerly idealistic hippie types who were trying to take “free love” mainstream. Nina and George O’Neil’s book Open Marriage, which introduced that term only has one chapter on non-monogamy. The rest of the book is about how to be an individual within the context of marriage. Swingtown hasn’t aired yet, but from the trailer it’s obvious that drugs and partying are part of the picture. How different is that from what most people now consider to be Polyamory? Or Tantra for that matter?

My own Polyamory: The New Love Without Limits has more than one chapter on multipartner relationships, but the rest of the book addresses the evolutionary potential of Polyamory – which I define as letting love flow – another frequently overlooked little detail. So wouldn’t you know, these winds of change have me considering writing an update and sequel to bring forward my view on why each wave of the Sexual Revolution – free love, feminism, swinging, polyamory, sacred sexuality – has failed in significant ways and what we can do now to truly liberate the evolutionary purpose of sex. These scenes have all been fun and life affirming in their own ways. They haven’t taken us any place worthwhile as a society because the evolutionary purpose of sexualove is still blocked both by lingering monogamous conditioning, and the associated sexual guilt and shame and repression on the one hand; and the lustful, unintegrated fucking and sexual wounding and abuse which follow. I have much more to say on this subject, so maybe I will write that book! If anyone reading this happens to be literary agent, or can offer a place for a writing retreat (next Fall would be perfect) please get in touch!

More immediately, I’ll be speaking into the Inner Marriage Dialogues. Join me, Becca Tzigany, & Peter Thomas on Thursday, June 12 at 6 PM PDT for a new teleseminar. There is no charge but you must pre-register by emailing me at taj@lovewithoutlimits.com to request the call in number and access code.

I’m also delighted to announce I’ve rescheduled the Love Without Limits ReUnion Retreat Week I was planning before I broke my leg last summer. Armand and Angelina have agreed to join me at our best ever location, on the beach, in Tulum, Mexico (about an hour south of Cancun) May 23-30, 2009. Register online NOW at http://www.sevenlawsoflove.com/store/shopdisplayproducts.asp?id=22&cat=Workshops and get a Super Deluxe beach front upgrade with private bath at no extra charge! Armand (www.armandandangelina.com) will tell you it was the best week of his life, and so will almost everyone else who attended one of our many Tulum retreats.

Aloha ia o'koa pa'ulo. When we meet in love, we shall be whole!

Much love to you all,

Deborah Taj Anapol

Tags: love, polyamory, tantra, sex, sacred sex, evolution, consciousness, social change, transformation

Awakening, Sprouting, Union - What a threesome!

http://tajmahalo.gaia.com — Tue, 06 May 2008 02:36:44 GMT

We have arrived at the mid-point between the Spring Equinox and Summer Solstice, a day that has long been considered as a very sacred time. Legends tell us it’s a time when the veil between the worlds is thin and a time when riuals to ensure an abundant harvest are celebrated. Has the time leading up to this day, known as Beltane in old Europe, been a wild ride for you too? Have seeds planted long ago begun to sprout or regenerate in the past week? Some say the journey is more significant than the destination. Nevertheless I am so grateful to have returned to Center, the route hardly seems to matter.

Still, I’d like to share a little about this journey, and place a few markers on this new trail I’m taking, so that I can find it again and perhaps you can too! If you’ve been reading these letters for a long, long time, you may remember that some time ago, after several years of working intensively with Jack Painter and his Pelvic Heart Integration trainings, I began writing a book about harmonizing masculine and feminine energies. Eventually, I started to call this book Inner Marriage or Sacred Marriage. I got about halfway into it, then got sidetracked writing a proposal and looking (unsuccessfully) for a publisher, and then put it aside because I sensed I needed to take my understanding to another level before I could finish writing this book.

Recently, that level has begun opening up for me. Synchronistically, an old friend and former lover called to talk about a different, but closely related book idea he is working on days after I began writing again! Also in this time frame, I received email from at least a dozen people with a link to a short talk by Harvard brain scientist Jill Taylor discussing what she learned about the right and left brain hemispheres when she experienced a stroke. If you’d like to hear her incredible story, click this link: http://www.ted.com/speakers/view/id/203.

Oh, and while you’re cruising the web, if you click on the following link you can hear Chip August’s podcast interview recorded in February. Honestly, if you only have time for one, choose Jill Taylor. But if you’ve manifested a both/and world, choose both! To hear more about my last book, check out

http://personallifemedia.com/podcasts/222-sex-love-and-intimacy/episodes/3547-dr-deborah-anapol-natural-laws

If I were to put the shift I made into one sentence, it would be this. Inner Marriage is less about the union of what we imagine to be male and female within and more about the union of Ego or Rational Mind with Spirit. In relation to the Divine we are all female, whatever our gender. Said another way, the deeper meaning of Sacred Marriage, or Hieros Gamos, is the marriage of the personality with the soul. When this marriage is consummated, the third brain (usually called the Solar Plexus) spontaneously opens. This triadic linkage has too many implications to elaborate on here.

What does this have to do with Beltane? In ancient times the Hieros Gamos ritual was celebrated on this day. It involved the King mating with a priestess who represented The Goddess. Not only did this ritual ensure the fertility of the land, but it was necessary for the empowerment of the King. Somewhat later, and indeed well into patriarchal times, the royal line in many places continued to be matrilineal. The Queen’s husband became King, and was often the official ruler, but his power derived from his marriage to the Queen and she groomed their son, the future King. Metaphorically, this translates into the right relationship between the human and the Divine being one in which the human (whether in a male or female body) is in partnership with the Divine to create a “new being” who fully integrates Divine Will with a human body/mind.

Tags: love, spirituality, gender, inner marriage, beltane, awakening

Volunteering

http://tajmahalo.gaia.com — Tue, 27 Nov 2007 21:05:40 GMT

One of the main things I’ve learned in the last year is: It is always better to volunteer! What I mean by this is that if there are certain experiences coming your way, you can embrace them or resist them. As many of you have no doubt discovered, resistance is painful, but embracing may be a bigger stretch than you can say “yes” to at that moment. Sometimes you can sidestep the whole ball of wax by taking some action which moves you beyond the crossroads you find yourself at, which moves you out of harms way and off in an entirely different direction. It’s as if you have entered another dimension, a parallel universe where that cross roads has become a rotary with new roads branching off in many directions. This is what I am calling volunteering – discovering a previously unseen road and high tailing it down that road without hesitation.

For example, let’s say that you’re a forty year old woman who really wants to have a baby. Your partner of ten years has been reluctant to take on parenthood, but he finally decides he’s ready for it. You’ve been trying to get pregnant for a year and it’s not happening. If you are in resistance you will be stressing out about having waited too long, angry at your partner for ignoring your biological clock, and fearful that you will never get pregnant. You may be contemplating exploring expensive and invasive medical procedures to help things along and worrying about whether they will work and how you will pay for them. You can’t make yourself let go of the whole dream of parenthood and raising a family. Meanwhile, your closest friend who is few years younger than you are accidentally gets pregnant. The father has bolted. Your girlfriend really wants the baby but is afraid of going it alone. You suggest to your partner that you invite her to hook up with the two of you and raise this child together. He agrees, she agrees, and soon you are all attending prenatal education classes and shopping for nursery furniture together. You feel threatened by the growing intimacy between them, and you ask for their support in overcoming your fears. This is volunteering.

Many people commented after I broke my leg that I needed this to slow down, perhaps because I was commenting on how awed and amazed I was by the experience of spending much of the past four months in bed. Or maybe they’d discovered how long it takes to go anywhere when you’re on crutches! But the truth is that I was already slowing down A LOT before I broke my leg. I wanted to slow down and was quite clear that it was necessary. I was voluntarily slowing down. What I was not doing voluntarily was asking for help. I didn’t have to because as long as I was able bodied I was pretty much able to get by without asking for help. Breaking my leg changed all that in a flash. I needed help and not asking for it had immediate and disastrous consequences. If asking for help when I didn’t really need it (volunteering) was hard, asking when I was desperate and didn’t think I could survive getting a “no” was nearly impossible. But I had to. I had no choice. I had to stop taking it personally if someone said no, or said yes but clearly wanted to say no, and just do it. But looking back I can see that it would have been a whole lot easier to voluntarily ask for help with things I felt overwhelmed by when I did have choice. Looking back I can see that taking it personally when someone says “no” or does something harmful to me is not useful. It’s so much simpler to have clear boundaries and not waste energy feeling victimized.

Tags: spirituality, service, life, resistance, transformation, change

The Source of Love

http://tajmahalo.gaia.com — Mon, 19 Nov 2007 02:16:39 GMT

It’s totally human to long for love. Often this longing first appears as a tremendous desire to connect with a particular romantic partner. If this longing is fulfilled you may be content for a time and look no further. If you are frustrated in your efforts, you may be more motivated to investigate the source of this longing. Either way, you will eventually come face to face with this mystery. What is this longing for love? Why is it so powerful? Where does it come from? And how can it be satisfied?

Spiritual wisdom tells us that you can only long for that which you already are. It appears that the love is in someone else, but this is only an illusion. The love that you feel is inside, it can’t be felt any other way. If you didn’t already know love intimately, you would not long for it. You wouldn’t even suspect its existence.

Most of us have forgotten that we are pure love and so we seek love outside ourselves. This longing is very useful because it activates your quest for love. Ultimately this search leads you to the realization that you feel love when you are being loving, not when you are being loved by another.

Exercise: This simple but powerful exercise came to me through Adyashanti. Try it and see what happens! The next time you feel that yearning for love, feel backwards into it. Feel it going in, even as it’s going out. Feel back, trace it back to its root and see if you don’t already possess what you seek. Take it as a question. Is it true that love is absent? Welcome the longing for love as an opportunity to do this practice until you find the love inside.

Tags: love, spirituality, beliefs, truth, inquiry

Truth and Intimacy

http://tajmahalo.gaia.com — Tue, 30 Oct 2007 23:48:09 GMT

While I see honesty as a principle that impacts every aspect of life, I have chosen to focus on honesty in intimate relationships because, as many ancient and modern sages have realized, the Family is the Building Block of the Culture.

If children are raised in homes where honesty is the norm, that is what they will learn and come to regard as the norm. They will not stand by silently when this norm is violated, but will speak out, confident of their experience that honesty is rewarded not punished.

In contrast, intimate relationships have for centuries been a training ground for lying. We are taught to lie to avoid hurting a family member’s feelings and told this is love. This is a difficult habit to break, in part because of the good intentions behind it, and in part because of our need for approval. Nevertheless, once we realize the consequences of lying, and once we realize we have another choice, we can begin changing this norm, first in our selves, and then by example and by behavioral reinforcement with our loved ones.

The truth is we have no real possibility for intimacy if we are NOT honest with ourselves about what we are feeling and thinking as well as in our communications with others.

Tags: truth, love, honesty, communication, family, lying, intimacy, community, norms

Mission Impossible

http://tajmahalo.gaia.com — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 04:44:38 GMT

Never in my life have I spent so much time doing nothing. Maybe I lolled about as an infant before my memory begins, but I have been on the go for as long as I can remember. Even during the rare times when I wasn’t doing a whole lot, I had practices, I had plans, I had projects on the horizon. I’ve been on a mission of one kind or another ever since I can remember. It’s been surprisingly easy for me to just stop though I doubt I would have without the benefit of a broken leg. And now as I begin to get my energy back, Samhain (aka Halloween) approaches, marking the midway point to the winter solstice, and the natural time of year for hibernation and slowing down. As luck would have it, I’m still in California where the seasons are more pronounced than in Hawaii. The days are quickly growing shorter, the nights are longer and colder, and in the quiet countryside where I now live, it’s easy to slow to a halt. Some people might look at these three months which I am calling doing nothing and say, “You’ve gotta be kidding! What about moving? What about healing? What about filing a law suit?” But everything is relative. For me, this is the most aimless I’ve been since I was a young teenager.

Ever since the early ‘80’s I’d believed that my purpose in life was to create more peace in the world by expanding the boundaries of the family, raising awareness that there are many possibilities for honest intimate relating, and supporting people to heal sexual trauma, limitations, and conditioning by reuniting sex and spirit. Last year when I heard spiritual teacher Isaac Shapiro sharing about how the idea of having a mission is really ego-driven it made an impression on me because I’d already started noticing how this is so. While many people might benefit by giving more attention to discovering their life purpose, my ego had definitely gotten hold of this concept of purpose and was using it in ways that were not entirely joyful.

Just as people can create a spiritual ego which very effectively keeps them apart from the Oneness they seek, my mission driven ego had become a barrier to my own self love and union with the Divine, not to mention a human beloved. I was too busy taking care of people and running every aspect of my publishing and seminar business, and then the Farm, to stop and smell the roses. Worse yet, I’d sacrificed several relationships on the altar of leading seminars on Tantric sex and polyamory. If you don’t understand what I’m talking about, think of it this way. Let’s say you’re an ordinary person who loves to ice skate and your partner does too. You have a wonderful time playing around at your local rink, or lake, you totally enjoy yourselves, you sometimes skate with others, and no one pays any attention to you. There is no stress involved and if you’re having a bad day you just take a break and wait for a better moment. This is a completely different experience from skating with a partner professionally or in the Olympics. Suddenly the pressure is on. It’s your duty to get that Gold Medal. Your time is no longer your own. You have to practice, travel, and perform whether or not you feel like it at that moment. You are so busy preparing for the next event you no longer have time to enjoy each other. Your flight is cancelled due to bad weather and you don’t know if you will arrive in time for the competition. Judges are scrutinizing your every move and the crowds are for or against you. Fans tell you to get a new partner if you want to win. Other fans tell your partner the same thing. Your partner misses a beat and your chances of winning are threatened. You have a misunderstanding at an inconvenient time and your whole career is threatened. This isn’t an exact analogy, but you get the idea. Not the easiest conditions for undertaking explorations which are already challenging to begin with and for which there is no road map.

Tags: love, healing, spirituality, transformation, sex, life purpose, ego, spiritual ego

What If It's True?

http://tajmahalo.gaia.com — Mon, 03 Sep 2007 04:33:32 GMT

The other day, I got an email from a listserve I'm on that summarizes a talk recently given by a former Isreali intelligence agent and bodyguard to Golda Meir who has a new book out. OK, so he's promoting his book, but he's also the guy who told the CIA a month before 9/11 many details of the planned terrorist attack. He has an extensive track record. He is now saying that a wave of simultanous terrorist attacks will sweep both major US cities and rural areas in the next few months. My crystal ball is offline these days, so I have no idea whether this will come about, but I find myself wondering - if I did know this was coming, what would I do now? Anything different from what I'm already doing?

It's kind of like the "what would you do today if you knew you were going to die tomorrow" question that I love to live with, but different in significant ways, because it's not so much about dying oneself as it is about the end of a way of life we are used to. This message is being discussed in many different ways in many different circles. We are on the edge of some major shifts in life as we have know it.

Having had the experience a month ago of unexpectedly hearing my leg bone snap after a fall, I've been with this realization of how life as you know it can change in an instant. Things I took for granted, like being able to drive somewhere or hop into the bath tub or shower whenever I wanted, are suddenly difficult if not impossible without assistance.

As it turned out, life had prepared me well to surrender to this experience without my "trying" to prepare specifically for this event.

And I am still in the process of fine tuning - where is that delicate balance point between when is it appropriate to go with the flow, and when is it appropriate to stand fast and say "no!" not in my name.

Would love to hear others feelings and thoughts and experiences around some of these mysteries ....

Love,
Taj

Tags: surrender, transformation, dying, change, surprises, spirituality, love, future, dependency

Visions for a Positive Future

http://tajmahalo.gaia.com — Sat, 25 Aug 2007 21:43:20 GMT

INTERVIEW WITH DR. DEBORAH TAJ ANAPOL AUGUST 24, 2007

Q1- Dr. D,, in your article 'What Is Sexual Healing?' you boldly introduce the subject of integrating the erotic into our health care system. While I think it's a fabulous idea, given the degree of prevalent touch phobia people are entrapped by, the truth is, the existing (American) health care system has not even seen fit to include vitamins and food supplements as covered expenses in the vaste majority of health care plans. What might be a practical way to bridge the gap to a futuristic, sexually- compassionate health care model, as you and other visionaries see it?

I think that massage therapy, physical therapy, acupuncture, midwifery and prenatal education, Reichian based bodywork, or chiropractic care are more closely related to the type of sexual healing that I’m talking about than the nutritutional options that you mentioned. Scientific research has shown that all of these hands-on therapies have therapeutic value and many insurance plans cover at least some of these modalities.

While ethical concerns and religious lobbies definitely influence our health care policies, financial issues and historical precedents are also important. In the Victorian era, women sought relief from “hysteria” from physicians who manually brought them to orgasm, sometimes with the aid of primitive vibrators. The pharmaceutical companies don’t want their patented medicines replaced by readily available, non-prescription herbs, but skillful and ethical use of erotic energy for healing would create financially and personally rewarding employment opportunities for many. The professions I mentioned above are already beginning to bridge the gap, as are a number of new professional organizations for sexual healers.

Q2- In your article 'Erotic Spirituality' you say that human beings have 'a deep longing for the (re)union of sex and spirit. My concern is that the word 'reunion' hints at a fall- redemptionist perspective (although not, in your version, a horrid sin- based one). From Church at Paronomasian perspective, ANY sort of fall- redeptionism is problematic inasmuch as it wittingly or unwittingly posits life as the fixing of a broken cup or the restoration of a lost estate. Can you comment, please?

Perhaps we could simply say that people have a memory – whether you want to call it genetic memory, cellular memory, mythology, or the collective unconscious - of a time when there was no mental, dualistic separation between sex and spirit. We know this undivided state in our bones, we carry it in our blood, and all that is necessary is to drop the cultural conditioning which tells us otherwise.

Q3- Speaking solely in terms of physiology, Tantric Taoist traditions largely consider sex between women entirely normal, but not between men, the point being, male sperm is competitive. Assuming you agree with this, how important do you consider physiological normalcy in the quest for a vision of comprehensive communal world peace?

In my opinion, this assumption about the physiological basis for male homophobia comes out of a patriarchal tradition which has painstakingly destroyed all traditional teachings which preceded them. My gut tells me that just as some women are not physiologically compatible with some men (think about the rH blood factor, pheromones, genetically carried diseases), similar factors, both biological and psychological, hold true within the genders. Peace – whether it be within the family, the community, or the world at large – requires a certain level of knowledge and wisdom about finding compatible, complimentary, joyful, and appropriate roles for all people. When all people, all gifts, and all challenges are honored and accepted, true synergy is possible.

I see that one of the biggest obstacles we face to world peace is the projection of our shadow, or unacceptable parts of self, onto others and then demonizing and attempting to eradicate the “other.”

Q4- Dr. D, you've argued that the denial of pleasure (especially sexual pleasure) has been the primary tool used by patriarchy to maintain control. While I agree that patriarchal social conditioning has, quite unfortunately, prevented millions of women from identifying themselves as naturally poly (and bi), it would seem that, under the infuence of limbic brain jealousy and the imagined 'need' for matrilineal security, many women would continue having serious problems with sexual freedom, even in the blessed absence of patriarchy. Can you comment, please?

Among women who have freed themselves from their conditioning, I have not observed any “serious problems” with sexual freedom. Sexual freedom implies the right to choose freely where, when, and with whom to engage sexually. This does not equate to a perpetually open door! A woman who is truly free may prefer to be with one partner for a period of time. Or she may choose to share her beloved(s) with another. Or she may prefer that her beloved(s) make their own choices. This kind of freedom is the fruit of deep spiritual and psychological inquiry and at this point in time, it is a small percentage of both men and women who have attained it. But I have seen it with my own eyes and felt it with my own heart and know that it exists.

Q5- What do you believe is the kindest, most positive thing we can collectively do as human beings to help assure a less dangerous, more benign planetary future?

The next generation is our hope for the future. Giving our best not only to our own biological offspring, but to all children on the planet, is the most positive action we can take! This means making it a priority to provide the best possible nutrition, unconditional love, health care, and education (and I do mean education, not training, but true teaching in how to be a conscious, empathic, considerate, sexual and clear human being to every child on the planet. This means providing education to parents, providing mentors and supportive “extended family” to those who don’t have this, providing parents tools and opportunities to have fulfilling lives of their own so that they don’t have to live through their children, and implementing social policies that truly support healthy family life.

There is a lot of controversy on the planet about the best way to solve environmental, political, and economic problems, but we all know how to raise healthy children! It just requires the willingness to say “this is our priority as a species!” As the native Americans said – we must consider the effects of our actions not just for ourselves, but for seven generations.

Deborah Taj Anapol, Ph.D.

www.lovewithoutlimits.com

415.507.1739

Tags: sexual healing, sexual freedom, love, parenting, positive future, pleasure, sex, community

The Magic and the Mystery of Life

http://tajmahalo.gaia.com — Thu, 23 Aug 2007 22:07:36 GMT

Hi Everyone!

This has been one of the most transformational months in my life! So much has happened I hardly know where to start. First of all, Cinnamon Sky has done an amazing job of redesigning my www.lovewithoutlimits.com website with support from my webhosts, Will and Sue Jones. More additions are in the works, one of which will allow people to connect with each other, so check it out and let me know what you think. The upgrade was just in time for an ABC news story which quoted me and my book. ABC news got interested because Gay Talese, now in his 70’s and author of many books including Thy Neighbor’s Wife published the second volume of his memoirs which talked about his own non-traditional 50 year marriage. Click these links if you want the details:
http://abcnews.go.com/US/LifeStages/story?id=3464575&page=1
http://abcnews.go.com/US/LifeStages/comments?type=story&id=3464575.

People have been suggesting for years that I write my memoirs but I haven’t really had much juice for that project, partly because the past, however colorful and exciting it may have been, is past. And while I might be just as good a writer, I am no where near as famous as Gay Talese. Also because in spite of rave reviews from those who have read it, The Seven Natural Laws of Love hasn’t sold that well. If half the people who bought Love Without Limits bought the Seven Natural Laws, I’d be in my 3rd or 4th printing and I haven’t even sold out the first run. So I hesitate to invest more time and energy in another book. Having said that, I have been feeling inspired to start working on a novel about death which is not a subject I have any firsthand knowledge of, so I will have to do some research. Fortunately I like to research new topics! And I hear it’s good for your brain too.

With all the rocking and rolling on the planet these days, and all the aging Baby Boomers, I figure there’s going to be a lot of people dying in the near future. A hurricane narrowly missed Hawaii the other day, then a series of big earthquakes in Peru generated a tsunami warning. You’ve undoubtedly been hearing about all the chaos in the financial markets.

We’ve also had a few small earthquakes here in Hawaii, just a little shaking up, no damage, but on a personal level, the big deal for me is that I fell and broke my leg. The middle right tibia and top right fibula in case you want to visualize quick and easy healing. I’ve never broken a bone before in my life and I was alone on the Farm when it happened so it was a little scary. At the same time, it has been an amazing catalyst for the breaking open of my own heart.

I am so grateful for all the love and support and much needed help I’ve been receiving and so grateful I’ve been able to just surrender to the whole situation. Everything I’ve needed has magically shown up. It’s been an amazing opportunity to lie back and receive and to slow down enough to appreciate all the incredible beauty around me even more deeply. I admit I was disappointed that I won’t be able to swim miles every day, let alone get in the ocean for many months, and I won’t be able to do much work on the Farm. I was also sad I won’t be able to get back to California when I planned to spend more time with my daughter before she leaves for college, but in a funny way, this broken leg has created more clarity in my life as it tells me I need to return to California for a few months and base there until my leg is healed.

At this time, I am still intending to offer the Women’s Healing Retreat Oct 13-20, perhaps with an apprentice to help with the snorkeling and dolphin activities. The retreat is limited to eight lucky women, who want to do some deep healing of body and soul, to pamper themselves and each other with massage and by making their own natural spa products and eating healthy, natural, local foods. If you want to attend, register now as I need your support to keep this retreat on track! Click on this link to sign up. http://www.sevenlawsoflove.com/store/default.asp. You can also order books and ebooks there.

I also want to offer you the following link to a podcast of an interview with me on sexual healing. It’s free and available to listen to anytime:
http://www.personallifemedia.com/podcasts/tantra-kama-sutra/episode011-deborah-anapol-sexual-healing.html

In the midst of all this intensity, I also recommend this short inspirational feel good video you can view by clicking this link: http://theshiftmovie.com/index2.html

There are still some rental openings at Lokahi Farm in September, October, and November if you’d like to enjoy a tropical vacation in the Garden of Eden. I don’t know if I will be at Lokahi Farm beyond December of this year, so if you’ve been putting off a visit, get it on your calendar now! If you could use some support with your own changes I have lots of time open for phone sessions now as I rest my leg. You can reach me at taj@lovewithoutlimits.com or at 415.507.1739.

Until then, may your heart be open, may your eyes see nothing but beauty and may you hear the wisdom of the ancestors.

Aloha,
Deborah Taj Anapol

Tags: love, healing, community, death, tranformation, women, hawaii, dolphins

Gratitude

http://tajmahalo.gaia.com — Fri, 22 Jun 2007 23:42:06 GMT

Yesterday I was driving my car north on the freeway from Hot Yoga to the Farmers Market. I passed a car with a bumper sticker which read "What are you grateful for?" I smiled. Maybe the gratitude movement would be more fun than the truth movement. Truth has a more yang feel to it than gratitude which could be considered the height of receptivity as I explain in my book The Seven Natural Laws of Love. Hmm, maybe I could try being grateful for the truth. In fact, I AM inevitably grateful for the truth, even when the truth turns out to be not what I wanted.

Getting back to the bumper sticker, it brought to mind an old friend and former lover. On his last birthday he had sent out an email quoting from a new book suggesting that it would serve us well to focus on what is going right instead of what is going wrong. I impulsively reached for my cell phone and clicked his name in the address book. He answered the phone from about 3000 miles away, an every day miracle I often forget to be grateful for. I told him I'd just seen this "What are you grateful for?" bumper sticker and it had make me think of him.

"That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me," he said warmly and went on for several minutes about how much he appreciated my thought. After a while I realized that he was probably thinking that I meant I was grateful for him in my life, which was true, but not exactly what I'd been thinking. I was struck by how receptive he was to being valued. Not an ounce of resistance or mistrust. The gratitude I'd expressed was returned 100 fold. We both felt warm and soft and proceeded to have a deep exchange, sharing our personal triumphs and challenges. Much more satisfying than some of our previous conversations!

Easy. And I wasn't even trying.

Tags: Gratitude, truth, love, relationship

Hawaiian Chant for the Whole Truth

http://tajmahalo.gaia.com — Wed, 20 Jun 2007 00:02:03 GMT

I've been talking with some friends lately about creating a "Truth Summit" - a conference whose theme is truth in all of it's diverse manifestations - spiritual truth, psychological truth, as in not lying to oneself or distorting perceptions with defense mechanisms, truth telling in relationships, in business, in medicine, in politics, truth and love, truth and integrity, truth and ethics - you name it.

It occurs to me that truth in all it's forms is the basis for sustainable community. The following chant was written by one of my Hawaiian teachers, Keala Ching, kumu of Pu'u Honua o Honaunau (Place of Refuge) on the Big Island of Hawaii. I love this simple chant which says it all - and is easy enough for me to have learned it! - and want to share it with you all.

Ho mai ka ike ike papalua e

Bless us with the truth that stands in light

Ho mai ka I’ini I’ini papalua e

Bless us with the truth that stands in the shadow

Ho mai ka mana, mana papalua e

Bless us with the truth that stands in light and shadow

Ho mai, ho mai, ho mai ka papalua e

Bless us with the complete truth

E ola

Tags: truth, community, hawaii, love, spirituality

Recreating the Village: Visions and Strategies for Community

http://tajmahalo.gaia.com — Sat, 09 Jun 2007 00:11:16 GMT

One day I discovered the missing link for rebuilding community. I wish to share these ideas widely and bring together people who want to implement them. Before taking this to the next level, I'd love your comments and suggestions. Namaste, Deborah Taj Anapol

Recreating the Village

Visions and Strategies for Sustainable Community in the 21^st Century

As we approach a major turning point for life on Earth, many conscious people have become aware of the need for a new way of living. Some of us have been researching and refining our visions for a way of life that is balanced, sustainable, peaceful, healthy, loving, creative, joyful, nurturing, spiritual, ecological and pleasurable for several decades. Throughout history a few extraordinary individuals have managed against all odds to awaken to their potential for total aliveness. Meanwhile, for thousands of years this planet has struggled under a set of beliefs and practices whose end result has been environmental degradation, violence, self-hatred, conflict between men and women, and disrespect for life itself. The time has come for a major shift!

Many ancient peoples have prophesied such a transformation. For example, the Mayan calendar is said to “end” in 2012, just six years from now! Modern prophets such as Edgar Cayce, Rudolf Steiner, Buckminster Fuller and many others predict that humans are like caterpillars about to become butterflies and that Earth herself is about to awaken. Some traditions, such as the Toltec, Sufi, Advaita, and Kashmiri Tantra emphasize that awakening from the cultural trance is all that is necessary to realize our true nature.

As we move into this crucial period of change, powerful esoteric teachings from many spiritual traditions are being made public and available to all who will listen. Many of these traditions were forced to go underground during the centuries of darkness, persecution, and authoritarian rule. Now the lineage holders are emerging from secrecy while others are spontaneously receiving the wisdom and tools needed to navigate through this global crisis. Never before in the recorded history of this planet have so many people had access to so many different paths for psychological and spiritual evolution. Each of them offers a piece of the Truth and many of them agree on certain basic understandings:

The purpose of life is to learn to love well, to enjoy all that is and to be present to whatever arises. To sustain love means being aware of and courageously making choices which create more love in our lives.
Love, rather than fear, abuse, or force, is the greatest power in the universe and the most effective motivator. Jesus said, “Love one another.”
All is One. We are inextricably linked to each other and to all of life. The perception of separateness is an illusion. We are all part of the whole. The Islamic mystics, the Sufi’s, say, La ila ha, il allah hu – There is nothing but God.
Your body is the temple of your soul. The body has its own innate wisdom and knows what’s good for you. Pleasure is healthy and productive. Honor and respect the physical being for it is our earthly home.
You reap what you sow. The Hawaiian’s express this, Kanawai Mo ‘aka ‘aka. The Christians say, Do unto others as you would have others do unto you. The Hindus and Buddhists call it Karma. In plain English, you get what you give.
Self-responsibility. There are no victims. Through our thoughts and actions we create our own reality. The unexpectedly popular documentary film, What the Bleep Do We Know? beautifully illustrates this.
The harmony between yin and yang, Shiva and Shakti, sun and moon, body and mind, masculine and feminine – however you want to express the sacred union of opposites – is the creative power underlying all of life. The central symbol of Judaism, the Star of David, celebrates the union of male (upward facing triangle) and female (downward facing triangle). All ancient cultures agree that this sacred union is the key to harmony and heaven on earth.
Every one of us is a spark of the Divine. We are all Gods and Goddesses. The Kabbalists said, “As above, so below.” Metaphysician Aleister Crowley said, “Every man and every woman is a star.” The ancient Hawaiians recognized that each of us is our own highest authority. No being is any higher or any lower than any other. On the soul level, we are all equal.

The Unfilled Need

There are now hundreds of thousands of adults all over the world who are striving to live by these realizations, not because some external authority has indoctrinated them, but because they have realized the truth of these universal laws through their own experience. At the same time, the dominant culture still operates out of belief systems and institutions which attempt to undermine these values. Ultimately the old empire will fall, but in the mean time many individuals feel isolated, alienated, and confused as they struggle to awaken from the cultural trance.

These people want to gather with others who share their world view and who can support and rejoice in their process. They want to live with others who contribute to their enjoyment of aesthetic, healthy pleasures and artistic endeavors. They want to engage with kindred spirits who can challenge them to wake up when they fall asleep and who can lovingly point out their blind spots. Many of these people have discovered that through their own healing journey they have developed the capacity to help others. Many find their creative powers awakening and are involved in artistic, scientific, and technological innovation.

In the past, nearly all spiritual communities were oriented around a single guru or teacher. The guru’s vision was at the core of the community and it was typically his personal charisma that drew his followers into the community. Often, these teachers reflected the hierarchical, authoritarian, masculinized paradigm of the larger society. They discouraged or forbade questioning of the teachings and ex-communicated those who challenged them. While these teachers brought countless gifts to their students, many failed to “walk their talk.” Secret sexual liaisons with married or celibate gurus were common. Many had mastery in some areas, but arrested development in others. They too were perfectly human, but preferred the super-human illusion.

Some intentional communities have been formed on a more egalitarian model but often these became mired in chaos, conflict, and poverty consciousness as egos struggled to implement impractical ideals such as consensus decision making. Cohousing communities seek to provide a modern, secular alternative to spiritual and intentional communities on the one hand, and soulless subdivisions on the other, but people are often disappointed in the relatively superficial relationships they find with their neighbors. The dream of returning to a gentler and simpler village life is not so easy to recreate from scratch.

Meanwhile, hundreds of thousands of people flock to weekend seminars and conferences, learning vacation destinations, spas, and eco-resorts of all kinds seeking the support, stimulation, and camaraderie of temporary community along with amenities not consistently available at home.

My observation is that a large minority of people currently living in “random” communities known as neighborhoods, subdivisions, retirement communities, condominium developments, planned communities, cohousing, and suburbs would much prefer to live with like-minded compatriots. My observation is that many people tolerate the noise, dirt, traffic, stress, and crowding of urban environments in order to have access to the spiritual artistic, medical, and cultural resources of the city when they would much prefer to live in a healthier environment.

The challenge has been: How can we get from here to there without relying on the charisma of the guru with all its attendant pitfalls? How can we get from here to there in the absence of the intact village, bloodlines, traditions, and lineage of elder wisdom?

The Goal

These days many people barely know their neighbors, and are far from family and close friends. Their daily human encounters tend to be superficial at best. Many travel long distances, consuming increasingly scarce fossil fuels, braving unpredictable traffic and missed airline connections to gather with others with whom they share soulful connections. Our goal is to address the unmet need for living environments which support the social and spiritual fulfillment of individuals and families at this unique moment in history. This can best be achieved by the creation of a thriving residential community built around an active conference center and health spa. Our aim is to attract people of varied ages, occupations, socio-economic status, lifestyle and ethnicity who share the common core values articulated above. We will provide residents with tools, leadership, and venues which contribute to building trusting, meaningful, and empowering relationships with the people who live in their neighborhood! Our programming will provide opportunities for shared recreation as well as conflict resolution.

We intend this community to be so exceptional in every way that there is no need to go any where else. Essentially, we are talking about creating the village of the future, complete with inviting cafes, live performance theatres, bookstores, yoga and dance studios, personal services, and markets. We anticipate that most of the families and singles we attract will be self-employed professionals, entrepreneurs, artists, or consultants whose work is location independent or involves travel. The community will also be a source of employment for some individuals providing needed services onsite and will attract small businesses in fields such as health care, education, elder and childcare, renewable energy, software engineering, publishing, and recording.

Some residents may be retired or financially independent. More and more baby boomers are reaching retirement age, and most do not want to live in age segregated enclaves. While many people have geographic ties in one or more regions, place is increasingly less of a priority than people.

The establishment of this community will directly serve the people who live there. It will also serve as a prototype for the creation of similar communities in many locations around the world. When people experience the vastly increased sense of connection, synergy, harmony, and personal satisfaction available in a subdivision which places as much importance on consciously supporting meaningful human interactions as on designing buildings and roads, millions of people will want to live in these communities. Once the first such community is operational, financing for future land acquisition and construction will be more readily available and available real estate will sell itself. The initial community may choose to franchise their name, development model, and/or personal growth technologies, or to serve as consultants for others who wish to replicate the concept. Once “sister” communities are established, residents will easily be able to do exchanges with people in other locations.

The Strategy

If we examine the creation of conscious community from a business point of view, we see that we are talking about coordinating two primary enterprises: real estate development and personal/spiritual development. Professionals in real estate development are well acquainted with the necessary steps in creating sub-divisions. Professionals in preventive health care, education, psychology, personal and spiritual growth, community development, and recreation know how to structure seminars and retreats which facilitate intrapersonal, interpersonal, and transpersonal harmony and which stimulate transformational experiences and group bonding. But rarely do these two groups speak to each other, let alone co-create a single project.

The strategy I propose is to create a quality conference center and health spa at the center of a new kind of subdivision. Many subdivisions are now being built around golf courses. Condominiums which have onsite spas, shops, and other amenities are becoming popular. A subdivision built around a golf course attracts people who like to play golf and who want to be around others who are passionate about golf. A community with a spa and health oriented activities attracts people who are health conscious, but this is a very general grouping and does not necessarily foster satisfying social interactions. A conference center which hosts an aligned group of spiritual teachers and healers will attract people who are passionate about their own transformation and give them a common language and opportunities to bond with each other. People will not be required to attend these programs, but because Home Owners Association dues will support the facility and its programs, people will not choose to live in this community unless they value and intend to utilize the programs.

The buildings themselves will be simple and natural and utilize energy efficient technologies. In addition to providing infrastructure, the developer can build as many units as they wish to, including some rental units, or lots can be sold for custom homes. Guest quarters will encourage visitors who become prime candidates for purchasing their own permanent homes in the future.

Conventional developments have in the past endeavored to ensure that the cost and quality of homes is kept as uniform as possible. However, the success of projects which have instead encouraged a wide range of home sizes and costs, suggests that uniformity is not attractive to all buyers. A wider range of options offers a more diverse and interesting community and provides housing for the full range of service providers and age groups natural to a vital community. The security of an exclusive, gated community is replaced by the security that comes from knowing your neighbors and enjoying shared activities.

Traditional villages have evolved slowly over many years and generally consist of people with similar backgrounds, shared histories, and common blood relatives. People today deeply miss the sense of belonging and caring that comes from an intact social ecosystem. At the same time, they are often relieved to escape the burdens of dysfunctional families and small towns – the narrow mindedness, lack of privacy and autonomy, judgment, and obligation which sometimes accompany village life. Contemporary individuals are longing for meaningful connections with others and soul satisfying intimacy, but lack a context where such encounters are easy and natural. Conscious singles, couples, and families all want to live in close proximity to others who are fun, loving, responsible, and emotionally honest and who do not guilt trip or manipulate. What is required is both the physical living environment which supports comfort and sufficient privacy and the psycho-spiritual technologies which bring people together in a synergistic way.

Imagine that twelve different teachers each offer a month long series of programs one after the other. For example, one month we have Byron Katie. The next we have Adyashanti, followed by Eckhart Tolle, Matthew Fox, Ken Wilber, and then Don Miguel Ruiz. The specific teachers can initially be chosen by the developers or their consultant (ie myself), or through market research, and later on by the Home Owners Association. They could include people who come out of various spiritual traditions, who are teachers of hatha yoga, tantra yoga, chi gung, dance, voice, music, visual arts, improvisational theatre, or massage as well as specialists in communication, leading edge nutrition, life extension, Chinese medicine, Ayurveda, shamanism, or drumming.

These programs, and the facility in which they are held, are supported partly by home-owners dues and partly by the developers. Ten percent of the profits from the initial subdivision and additional investment capital as needed will be used to design and build the center. Home owner fees will provide a stable and secure financial base for ongoing programming. This together with the opportunity to work with motivated people in an innovative community will attract the highest quality teachers leading to cross fertilization and innovation. Meanwhile, the spa will be operated as an independent business and provide employment opportunities for residents.

Here we have a situation in which people will self-select to live in this community based on their interest and willingness to make a financial commitment in the form of membership dues to ensure that quality programming continues. The ongoing growth seminars, lively community, and spa facilities also make this a desirable vacation destination, allowing owners who so desire to generate income through vacation rentals. Think Esalen Institute meets Quality Subdivision.

It is up to each person to decide when and how often they participate in the programs. They are available evenings, weekends, and for longer intensives free or at reduced cost. The same programs can be made available to non-residents on a space available basis at the going rate. The energy of the rotating teachers and teachings will permeate the whole community, enhancing the quality of life and increasing the well being of the residents.

The developers may also want to recruit desired service providers and businesses to locate within the subdivision. Features such as a Spa and Wellness Center featuring Chinese medicine and/or Ayurvedic treatments, assisted living for elders, yoga and dance studios, cafes and juice bars, bookstores, and performance spaces make the community village more attractive to prospective residents as well as providing jobs and gathering places. Other features such as an area for community gardens, ecological/permaculture designs, passive solar considerations, Feng Shui, pedestrian friendly walkways, children’s programs, and innovative “green” construction materials can also magnetize like-minded buyers to this conscious sub-division. The heart of this project and the thing that sets it apart from anything that presently exists is the emphasis on designing systems to help a group of strangers become best friends and to support each person to reach their highest potential.

Integrating wisdom and skills from a variety of teachers into a neighborhood setting will not only have the effect of attracting a certain type of person (cultural creatives), but will also create a situation in which people are interacting on an ongoing basis with the same people they are in seminars with, building a very intimate and vibrant community. It also provides shared language and tools for resolving whatever conflicts may arise. Instead of bingeing on workshops and then escaping home to continue old habits, living with ongoing reminders of the highest spiritual truths gently allows a new way of life to emerge where practical spirituality is the backdrop.

Want to co-create it? Want me to consult on your project? For the past thirty years I have been actively involved in learning and teaching about spiritual and psychological development, wellness, conscious relationships, group process, and community development. I have a large network of my own and am in contact with many other “nodes” of networks. Investors, developers, real estate brokers, contact me at 415.507.1739 or email taj@lovewithoutlimits.com.

Tags: community, spirituality, love, sustainability, truth